Mr. Han || J.H

Chapter Thirty Six : Arcade!!

JUMIN HAN'S POV.

This is it, this is the lecture that is going to drive me insane. I'm a teacher for goodness sake, I teach Math, science and English! I know what love is, I know that I feel it. Yet I don't know how to say it, which is pretty stupid considering I teach people how to make the words go properly.
It's love, what difference can it make? Well, a big one. And no, I'm not going to add in a Shakespeare quote here, or get you to explain the meaning behind one single word.

I just-

"Jumin!" I snap out of my thoughts and look towards Jaehee. "Welcome back to Earth." I sighed.

"Tell her." Saeran says.

"I would bu-" -t I can't.

"Just say it to her." Jaehee shrugs.

"Trust me, I wo-"

"Oh my Jumin... just say I love you!" The two say that the same time.

"I can't." I said, running my hand through my hair and groaning. Two people were sat in front of me, Saeran and Jaehee. In this house, the two scariest people didn't talk to each other often, at all even. So that fact that they're here telling me to just say 'I love you' to Y/N makes everything more weirder than it already was in the beginning.
Then again, I've been keeping to myself ever since I attempted to say it when Y/N confessed. Ever since then, she's been faking a lot of positive emotions around people and everyone's noticed. It doesn't help that schools unbelievably quiet, Y/N keeps to herself, Sarah doesn't show up to class anymore. It's too nice.
I bet you, in Jaehee's mind, she's going on and on about how the two of us should be closer than we were before. But we're not. And that's because I'm a goddamn idiot. Actually no, scrap that whole entire idea. I'm a moron. I'm a dumbass. I'm just- I'm fucking dumb.

Every time she looks at me. Every single goddamn time, I notice the same things! Her eyes don't shine the way they did beforehand, her smile never reaches her eyes and her laugh seems so much more forced. I hate it, I hate it because I caused this bullshit. Well actually no, I didn't cause it, of course I didn't. I just really hoped that I could prevent crap like this, I really wish I could. But nope, I made it worse and that's what sucks.
I bite my lip and look down, trying to fight back emotions I don't want to feel. But I can't anymore.
I give in to them and I start to shake.
It's not a sad shake or a worried shake.
I'm angry at myself. I'm so angry at myself.
I'm so goddamn angry at myself that I want to scream and break everything and everyone in my path. I want to tear everything down, I want to rip it to shreds. However, at the same time, I want to collapse in the corner of my room and cry my heart out.

"Jumin," Saeran has started off with a gentle voice. But as of right now, gentle isn't in my fucking vocabulary.

"I fucking tried!" I push out through clenched teeth. Angry. I'm angry at myself on so many new levels it hurts. "I tried unbelievably hard to say it! To say 'I love you'... and absolutely nothing came out!" I looked at the two people in front of me. Saeran didn't seem surprised but Jaehee was wide eyed with shock. "Because I'm fucking stupid. I'm so fucking stupid!"

Why're you beating yourself up Jumin?
Why're you so angry at yourself? This happens all the time, you should be used to it.

"Alright... what exactly happened?" Jaehee asks, staring at me with confused and concerned eyes. "But take a breath beforehand."

I groan heavily and lean my head against a wall, creating a thud. "She told me that she's fallen in love with me." I said, waiting for everyone to laugh. "Or at least, she thought she has."
But they never laughed. There was no, 'ha! Funny joke Jumin! Get over yourself!' , there was no 'Wait, seriously?' There was none of that.