What If...

Chapter Ten

It was finally the weekend, that meant no alarms and no school, Cameron could finally have a lie-in and relax, he needed it. After all the drama with Lottie, Cameron had forgotten about his own condition, he had forgotten that he was different and that he could die at any moment, and seeing Lottie die and the way that Luna reacted, was not something that he wanted to happen if he went. He wanted Luna to know how much he loved her, he wanted to ask Luna out, he wanted to go on dates with Luna, but what if Luna said no? It would break his heart, and he also didn't want to ruin their friendship if Luna didn't feel the same way. After being lost in his thoughts for almost an hour he decided to finally roll out of bed. From outside his dark blue curtains he could see the sun trying to peek through. He stood up onto the black carpet of his bedroom and stretched.

As he walked downstairs he felt that something was wrong, there was an odd atmosphere, he couldn't work out what it was. As he continued walking to the bottom of the stairs he peered into the lounge to see if he could see his mum. His mum was not there. This was unusual for him as his house always felt safe and that someone was always there, but no it just felt, empty.

"Mum!" Cameron called out quite worryingly. There was no reply.
"Mum!" He called again, hoping for a little noise indicating where she was. It was eleven in the morning, there is no way that his mum would still be in bed and she didn't tell him the night before that she was going to go out in the morning. Slowly and cautiously, he walked into the dining room to see his mum reading what seemed to be medical papers and tears were slowly rolling down her face. "Mum?" Cameron approached her slowly so he didn't startle her and sat in the seat next to her.

"Cameron, have I ever told you how much I love you?" She asked looking deep into his brown eyes. Cameron looked back worriedly.

"Erm, yes, many times." He replied trying to get a peek at the papers that she was reading. There was suddenly a little sniffle from his mum as she placed her frail hand on top of Cameron's.

"I blame myself Cameron." Cameron looked up from the floor when he heard this. He didn't understand what his mum was trying to tell him.

"What?" Cameron asked gently, placing his other hand on top of his mums to try and comfort her. His mum once again looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

"I blame myself for your father leaving, I blame myself for you getting cancer. Why couldn't it have been me, why did it have to be you, this isn't fair!" His mum shouted whilst crying suddenly becoming quite angry. Cameron pulled her in for a hug.

"I don't know mum, it's just the way of life, clearly I'm not meant for this cruel world. God wants me back, and if that's the case, I'll go when he takes me." This made his mum cry even more. His mum shook as Cameron held her close as she continued crying into his shoulder. All too quickly, she pulled away.

"Cameron, have you not seen how I blame myself? I have anorexia, the worrying between being a single parent and having to look after you and seeing you die, it's killing me. I don't know anything anymore, I'm never hungry. I'm scared Cameron." Cameron looked down at the floor.

"Mum, I know you have anorexia, I can tell, you stopped eating when dad left, and when you did, I would hear you in the toilet every night throwing up. It would make me cry, I didn't want to say anything because I knew that you would be ashamed and didn't want to make me worry even more. The truth is mum, I worry more about you and my friends than myself. And if I can die sooner rather than later, I would. It's just a long, drawn out process of waiting to be sent to heaven." Cameron looked back up at his mum to see that she was now crying. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Cameron, please don't worry about me, I'm fine." His mum tried to reassure him, but he did not believe it one bit. "Now, go and get breakfast and go meet up with that beautiful girl you keep talking about." His mum smiled at him. Cameron smiled back making his face go all red and embarrassed.