What If...

Chapter Eighteen

Cameron could feel it, his body becoming heavier, his eyelids forcing themselves shut constantly, his constant state of tiredness, he knew it was coming, his impending doom was reaching. Cameron crawled back under his warm duvet and prayed to whoever was listening that he would magically get over this and he would get better and then he could spend more time with Luna. Cameron then felt a tear trickle down his cheek and land on the sheet that he was laying on. Cameron's condition had become so bad that the school had let him go and he was allowed to stay at home whenever he needed without having to contact them. Cameron sighed and then pushed the duvet off himself and reached for his phone, wincing as he looked at the harsh screens radiating light into his eyes. His phone said seven thirty. With as much effort as possible he sat up, losing all his energy as he did so, Cameron sat up-right for five minutes before slowly standing up, as he stood up he had to reach back down on the bed to stop himself falling over. Slowly, he made his way to the bathroom. There was then a knock on the door.

"Cameron?" Cameron put his flannel down and turned off the tap.

"Yes mum?" Cameron replied, luckily, he could still communicate and talk without it draining all his energy.

"Come down for your medicine once you've finished in there, okay?"

"Okay." Cameron called back, before hearing his mum walk away. Even though Cameron knew he had to take his medicine and did every morning, his mum would always remind him just in case. Once Cameron had finished in the bathroom, he sluggishly made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, where he was surprised to see his mum making an omelette. Cameron opened the cupboard with his tablets in and swallowed one. Hopefully it will make him less sluggish and achy. To regain his energy, Cameron sat on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor.

"What are you doing down there?" Cameron's mum asked, turning away from the pan and her omelette to look at her son.

"Just regaining my energy, and it's nice to see you eating by the way mum." Cameron said, trying to encourage his mum to eat, secretly hoping that she wasn't going to go and throw it all up afterwards. Cameron saw his mum smile.

"Yes, I've been going to therapy and I should try and get past this fear, no matter who hard it might be, I've been asked to eat at least breakfast every day to begin with, I realised I need to start looking after myself again Cameron and stop letting the split of me and your dad get in the way of my health." His mum said confidently, smiling at Cameron. Cameron smiled back, happy for her.

After regaining his energy, Cameron headed back up the stairs and laid on top of his messy bed. He lied down with a massive sigh. Closing his eyes momentarily, at least his medicine would keep him awake and he could at least function like an okay human being for the next couple of hours. Cameron then lifted his left arm to rest underneath his pillow when he felt something. Cameron knitted his eyebrows together, confused about what was under his pillow. He pulled it out and unscrewed the paper, it was his suicide note. It was all crumpled and torn in some places, making it hard to read. Cameron saw his cursive writing, now messily on different places on the lined paper. Squinting he tried to make out what it said. It was hard to read so he only managed to understand bits of the note.

Don't be angry. I was diagnosed with cancer 2 months ago, my dad walked out on me and my mum, my mum's now anorexic. Strong for my mum. She deserves to live, fight off my demons, but they just come back stronger and stronger, soon their words became poisonous, it wasn't the bully's that killed me, it was myself, my own demons because they wouldn't shut up and let me sleep at night. Mum, I'm so sorry, I love you. Jacob, thank you. I know I've made you very sad, you will do better without me.

- Cameron

Cameron grimaced as he read the note, even though he couldn't read the whole thing, he remembered everything that had been written in the letter. Slowly, tears began to fall from his eyes. He saw Jacob's name and he was taken back by how life changes and how it is so crazy how he thought he was going to die and wanted Jacob to continue without him, now he was the one struggling to deal without his best friend. Reading back over the letter, Cameron wished he had spent more time with Jacob and that Jacob would have told him that he was hurting so maybe he could help and now they could be here together in Cameron's few final weeks. Cameron sighed and screwed up the letter again, angry at himself and shoved it in his bedside table draw. He then picked up his phone, expecting a text or call from Luna. Nothing. Cameron knitted his eyebrows together again, confused about why? Luna would often message him or call him every day, seeing as the only people they now had were each other. Cameron sighed, and decided to call or text her later if he didn't receive anything. In the meantime, Cameron decided to watch some random movies that he found on Netflix, that were either bad or very cliché.

Over the next few hours, he had not heard anything from Luna and began to worry about her. He tried calling her but it went to voicemail. Cameron sighed and left her a voicemail, thought's in his head about what could have happened to her and why he hadn't heard from her all day. He decided to go on Snapchat to see if she had put anything on her story, nothing, again. It's like she was no longer on the face of the earth. Cameron hoped that was not the case. Cameron then decided that instead of sitting waiting for a text or call he would go on a little drive and see where he ended up and to see if Luna would call while he was out and to clear his mind. Cameron slowly and carefully walked down the stairs as so not to fall over.

"Where are you going?" Cameron heard his mum call from the sofa as she heard him put on his shoes. Cameron finished lacing up his shoe and poked his head around the door.

"I'm just going on a little drive, I promise I'll be careful and if I feel tired I'll pull over and call you." Cameron said, knowing that his mum would say that to him, just to remind him because of his condition.

"Okay, good, I'll see you later. Love you Cameron." Cameron then walked over to his mum and leaned down to hug her.

"Love you too mum, see you later." Cameron said as he grabbed his keys that he had placed on the stairs and closed the door behind him.

Cameron cruised around the small-town streets. As he drove along the small-town streets, he could see lights from people's houses blinking on as the sun was setting and night time was descending upon them. He could see the street lights starting to turn on as he drove under them, it seemed magical, as if he drove under them and they would turn on. When he reached the dual carriage way he didn't know where he was going or where he was going to end up but he just kept driving. He was slightly blinded by the cars with stronger headlights than him but he kept driving. In the distance, he saw a car coming towards him, headlights not much brighter than his, he continued driving, before he realised the car was coming straight towards him. Panicking, Cameron went to swerve onto the other side of the road to avoid being hit, but before he knew it...

CRASH!

Cameron felt himself be flung forward, but he was stopped going any further due to his seatbelt. His head hit the headrest and then land on the steering wheel. Cameron blacked out after that...