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Afraid (xSpy)

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Long restless nights and around 2 months of debating later, (Y/n) decided it was time.
Hands ran through the (h/c) hair, foot tapping and after an exasperated sigh, she finally said it.

"I can't do this anymore"

Spy said nothing and took a deep drag of his cigerette.

"I'll 'ave zhe breakfast special"

Spy didn't even bother to turn to look at the waitress, who couldn't seem to make up her mind on whether to stay or not.

"I.. Uh.. And you miss?"

You sighed and tossed the menu onto the table.

"A cup of coffee please"

The waitress said nothing, scrambling to grab the menu and leave the table at once.

(Y/n) glared across the table, met by cold grey orbs who seemed to bear little to no expression. It was lucky the little shop was empty save for the two; the atmosphere alone could break even a newly wed's heart.

"Look, I know we've been on and off for a while-"

"...here's your coffee miss"

(Y/n) glared up at the waitress.

"-but it's pointless. We're- not going to change"

Again, the waitress scurried away, trying to get as far away from the table.
Spy gave another long drag of his cigerette, crushing it into the ashtray while smoke billowed from his lips.

Typical. He always was the calm and collected one.

"And what do 'ou mean by zhat?"

"We're different. Just, too different. All we do is meet up, and-"

"Your order sir"

"Merci"

The waitress was back yet again with a steaming plate of buttered pastries and a cup of coffee. This time, she was determined not to come back as she practically hid behind the counter.

(Y/n) could feel her heart pang as she watched Spy cut up his pastries so nonchalantly.

She hated how he acted so calm.

"And zhere is a problem with our relationship? I must say we get along better zhan most people"

"I know we get along Spy, we're also good friends. And I've never met someone who I could speak to so well and actually be understood. Both as a friend and boyfriend."

Spy raised an eyebrow.

"Indeed cher, we are quite compatible. And I believe we are quite fond of each ozher,  yes? I persume that much 'as not changed."

Spy picked up his fork and knife, slowly cutting his breakfast up.

"Spy.. I-"

(Y/n) looked defeated.

"I want you to trust me"

Spy froze, the silverware standing in place in his cold hands.

"I know you don't want to, and I know that you're not going to change"

The whole atmosphere seemed to plunge into ice. Neither seemed able to look up from the table, frozen in place.

"Look, you can keep saying all these nice things about me, and keep me afloat. But we both know you're not going to be there for me as a lover. We both know you're going to leave as soon as you'll feel threatened."

"..And where did 'ou get zhese ideas cher?"

(Y/n) turned bright red, and Spy's eyes narrowed. Was it-

"Sniper.. and I talked about it"

Ah. He thought bitterly. Of course.

"Look, it's not what you think it is, I'm not interested in him or anything, but.. Can you really deny it? Could you actually look me in the eye, and tell me that you'll always be with me? To be with me whether I start a family or not? To stay by me even if I fall ill? Lose something? Or even if I die?"

He put the cutlery down. Struggling to find the right words. He knew that he would, but..

"And more than that, do you really believe  me? That I would truly be willing to stay with you? That I would do exactly the same things I said before for you? That I love you??"

He said nothing, finally at a loss for words.
The table stood still, even the air seemed to freeze to a halt around them.

"You.. You don't trust me do you?"

No. He didn't.

And that was just the way it was. Bushman or no, it was a part of him that he couldn't change.

(Y/n) angrily folded her arms and leaned back into her chair. Tears brimming at the edge of her eyes, eyelashes barely caging the tear drops in.

"Spy.. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust love, let alone me"

He knew it. He knew that the bushman had probably riled her up, feeding her fears and fueling the flame to take her as his own, but it was the truth. Nothing good ever stayed with him, and he was sure (Y/n) was no exception.

"I.. I just thought that after all this time you'd believe in me.. After all we've been through.."

She sighed.

"I thought you'd put down your fears for me Spy. I'm sorry we couldn't make it through this"

She got up, barely paid attention as she left some dollars on the table; and left promptly.

Spy gazed into his plate. Desperately wanting to go after her, holding her into his arms, explaining that he only acted this way to mask his fears, telling her that he would change..

But he can't; he told himself.

He was just too afraid.