Start Line • s.cb & h.js

22

"Jisung Im sor-"

"-Stop right there!" Jisung quickly interrupts, placing his finger over your lips.

It was passed seven, you both exited the library and right before heading home, you had asked Jisung if you two could pass by the garden at the back of the school.

When you both got there, you came to a halt, Jisung mirroring your actions with a look of confusion painted across his features.

It had been about a week since Jisung had confessed his feelings to you and throughout that week, to say you've been a mess was an understatement.

You always spaced out, bumped into walls or doors, tripped over your own feet, fell asleep in class a few times, stayed up until ungodly hours just staring at your ceiling. Tutoring sessions with Jisung always felt off because of the unspoken elephant in the room. 

You were known to be a very decisive person, But you were so confused with the situation to the point where you tried asking Seungmin for help. Although all he said was that he honestly didn't know what to do or say since his opinions were biased.

"y/n, I'm not you"

"But come on Suengmin! You have to have some say in this!"

"y/n I think we both know how no matter what anyone else says, you'd still follow whatever your heart tells you in the end"

"But what if I don't know what my heart's telling me" You remember muttering, your voice shaky and weak. Seungmin sighed, his heart hurting for you. He hated how weak you seemed. 

"Why? Why can't you just fall for Jisung if he's everything you're looking for?"

"I don't know!"

"Then that's what you need to find out. Because once you know why, only then can you give Jisung a proper answer"

And ever since those words escaped Seungmin's lips, you realized something. Which is what led you to confronting Jisung by the school garden on a Friday night.

"Jisung Im sor-"

"-Stop right there!" Jisung quickly interrupts, placing his finger over your lips.

"I-I know what comes next..." He trails off for a moment, his hand slowly falling to the side as he stared at the ground.

And you hated it.
You hated seeing how broken he look. You hated how the spark in eyes died so quickly. You hated how, in this world, you really couldn't please everyone.

But forcing yourself to love someone would be worse. Because no one would really be happy. You'd both just hurt yourselves in the end. You'd ruin him and yourself in the process of trying to make something that was never meant to be, work.

Jisung takes a deep breath before he looks up to face you once again, a seemingly forced smile painted across his features.

"Just tell me who I lost to and I'll decide whether they deserve you or not!" He says, crossing his arms and puffing his cheeks as he tried to lighten the mood. And it makes your heart hurt even more. 

Jisung was a lot stronger than others made him out to be.

And you also realized that you were a lot weaker than how others saw you.

If Jisung was going to be honest, he was heartbroken. Falling in love with you was like finding the nicest pair of rubber shoes in the store and wanting to buy it so badly.

Until he saw someone else try the shoes on and realized that it didn't suit him that well.
But that didn't mean that he didn't want it anymore.

A part of him already knew.
The fact that you hesitated the moment he confessed was already a red light for him.
But he was foolish and decided to bet all of the self-confidence and love that he had left on wishful thinking despite knowing that it would hurt him more in the end.

A deafening silence filled the night sky as you stared at Jisung.
This boy who was standing in front of you, trying his best to keep himself composed, even pulling some cute gestures just to lighten the mood and not make you feel bad about yourself, was the guy who's heart you were breaking.

Whose heart you already broke.

"Its Changbin isn't it?"

Your eyes go wide as you stared at Jisung and for a moment, it was as if everything just stopped. And the look in your eyes was a sign enough for Jisung.

He'd stared at those shimmery crystal orbs long enough to know the emotions they convey.

Don't show her you're sad.
Keep it together.
Don't break down in front of her.
She doesn't need your shit right now.

A loud sigh escapes Jisung's lips as he scratches the back of his head and clears his throat, trying his best to shift the mood into something less heavy.

"Well, I really hate the guy but... but I guess he'll treat you right" He mutters, now opting to stare at the ground.

And you're grateful for how hard he was trying to lighten the mood.

Little did you know that the sigh that escaped his lips, along with it was all of the sadness and frustration that he felt. And that as he stared at the ground, tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

"But hey!" Jisung suddenly says, looking back up to face you, the sadness completely masked over by his usual bubbly self.

"If he ever breaks your heart, my shoulder will always be here to cry on" Jisung says with a wink, patting his shoulder. And you let out a half-hearted chuckle at his words.

"Jisung... I don't think I can thank you enough for-" 

"Don't. If you want to thank me then be happy. Because as long as you're happy then so am I" Towards the end of his statement, he opened his arms wide and you slowly stepped towards him as he engulfed you in the tightest hug he'd ever given anyone.

And for a moment, he didn't want to let go.
But sadly, he knew he had to.

He pulled away a bit and looked at you with a mischievous smile.

"No kiss?"

You arch a brow, stepping away from his embrace.

"Well, it was worth a shot" Jisung says with a shrug.

"I have a lot to do but um, do you still want me to walk you home today?" When the words escape his lips, your eyes go wide. No matter how busy Jisung was, he always walked you home without any hesitation.

And a part of you knew you'd be sad if he didn't.
But you also knew how selfish that would be and that he needed time for himself so you simply shook your head and flashed him a small smile.

"Well, I'll um, go ahead. Bye y/n" He suddenly mutters before walking off.

"Oh. And by the way-"  Jisung stops in his tracks and you furrow your brows in confusion when he suddenly semi-runs towards you.

The confusion painted across your face though quickly turns to shock when he stops in front of you and pecks your cheek before flashing you a smile small.

"Sorry but you were just too cute" He says with a cheeky grin, suddenly running off before you could even react to his words.