Reconditioned...

27 - Hit By A Bus

      Most of her nights began like this; just lying in a foreign bed in this silent, stifling bedroom staring up at the ceiling. Her mind would begin its usual course of thoughts to convince her to get up and make the trot across the hall to his room and have her way with him, but true to form, she remained there until the sun started to streak through her curtains. Kris hated the coward she had become; she was just not aware of who she was now and who she use to be then. All she knew was that the fear of rejection was like heavy, grating slabs of cement pressing her into the mattress and securing that she never moved. Two weeks' worth of laying there and never reacting; it was now a routine. Whenever she managed to doze off, she would jolt awake from her nightmares and stifled her startled screams. When she rose for the day, it was as if Viktor found every excuse under the sun to avoid her. They were never in the same room for more than a minute and it was literally that as she had become accustomed to counting.

Maybe it was really over between them but there was no part of her that was willing to attempt comprehending it. How was she to let go of the one person that truly understood her and brought her joy? Maybe she should ask him what his secret to success was because damn it she was failing horribly. All she wanted was to just touch him...just once. If she could do that, then who knew where it would lead?

Yes, every night for two weeks straight she would run the same routine, but tonight she was at her breaking point. She was sick of the avoidance, the lonely meals and the averted eyes. She could take no more of the pain that clawed her apart from the inside of her chest. Crying and moping were making her nauseated so she'd stopped. Already, she had pushed herself up to a sitting position and was staring at her bedroom door. It had been awhile and still Fairchild had not come for her and she had gambled it every night. When would it be her last night? What if he killed her? She would never rest in peace when there was so much regret marring her heart. So...really, what was there to lose?

She had to know. She had to go to him and tonight she would get her answer once and for all. If Viktor accepted her into his bed, she would do everything within her power to prove to him that she was completely his and he belonged to her. She would never endanger their relationship with her silly insecurities and stubbornness again.

But...

And this was truly that part that stole her breath...

If he told her to leave...she would have to accept that there was no fixing what was broken. She would acknowledge that the hands that had crushed their beautiful world that had been blooming before them were hers and never again would she pressure him for another chance. It was the first glimpse of pride she'd had in months and Kris was not about to waste it.

With it came courage that had her sliding to the edge of the bed. She got to her feet and coaxed her body to relax. This was no time for her nerves to fray or her heart to become erratic; this required a steady breath and a clear mind. Her dark curls grazed over her bare shoulders as she shuffled to the door and slowly turned the knob. Only when her breath was easy and she felt sure of what she was about to do, did Kris pull the door open. It was dark upstairs but the glow from the dimmed lights below helped her eyes adjust enough to make out the silhouette of furniture and her path. His door was slightly ajar and there were no lights on. It was late and maybe he had finally turned in for some sleep. Some nights he stayed up till it was an hour to sunrise then he would get some rest, but tonight he was in bed...well, she hoped.

Determined, she kept her eyes on the door ahead of her and told herself to stay calm. She was going to get through this. Regret was not an option anymore; she will have to fight for him and embrace the results.