Reconditioned...

31 - Nothing, Anything & Everything

A/N: Thank you. Thank you all for your patience with me and your dedication over the years for my stories. I love you all and I'm forever grateful to you. So now, without further delay...the conclusion of Reconditioned.

“God she’s beautiful.”

In all her life, there had really been a lot of things that Kris had happily and frivolously used the word for, but in this moment, they had all fade to gray as she beheld the child her best friend cuddled close to her bosom. Lilith had brought a gem into the world and all Kris wanted to do was protect her from all the monsters that lurked in every shadow.

“Would you like to hold her? I think you’ve waited long enough.” Lilith asked; beaming up at a very nervous Kris.

Since the moment she saw her, Kris had avoided holding her niece. There was something deeper than the fact that she hated holding newborns simply because they were way too fragile at that stage in their lives and it was just too much pressure thinking how they depended on you not to break them. The plastic was still on and that new car scent was wafting through the air, so no she didn’t even consider the idea.

But now...now what was the hold up? Months had passed and her Katiya was a plump adorable butterball of yumminess that she was aching to hold?

Kris looked away and felt her palms get cold on cue. Wasn’t it all obvious by now? They weren’t clean anymore; not even slightly marred. There was blood on her hands, and she had no qualms with it except when faced with something so innocent. Just one touch from her felt like the permanent desecration of the little one’s life.

“Maybe later…” She finally replied as she unconsciously wiped her palms down her jean clad thighs.

“You’re still afraid you’ll break her? I guarantee you she is a lot tougher than she looks.” Lilith urged; hoping to convince her friend but already she was beginning to shake her head in denial.

“I’m good. How’s your mom? Leg coming along? Any physiotherapy?”

And so the topic had been changed.

With a sigh and as she adjusted her hold on her little girl, Lilith replied with a bit of disappointment in her tone.

“Mom’s a soldier; walking so much better since the wedding.”
“Has it really been that long that I’ve seen her?”
“Yes it has and she’s been asking a lot about you herself. Maybe you should join me on our next visit.”

“Maybe…”

“There seems to be a lot of that…” Lilith pointed out as she looked her friend over with concern.
“A lot of what?” Kris asked; brows furrowed in confusion.

“Maybes. Most of my suggestions have been met with that one word since you got here. What’s on your mind Kristen?”

Kris exhaled heavily and got up from her seat next to Lilith on the sofa. The pale pink patterned walls framed with white beams were adorable, but she could not stay distracted by it for long. The same could be said about the white wooden crib with its carousel of mini suns, moons and stars swaying gently over it. She wanted to distract herself long enough to come up with a better way to steer Lilith from this topic, but who was she kidding? This was what Lilith lived for; mind ninja specialist.

“I’m just….” she paused as she traced her fingertips lightly over the banister of the crib.

Behind her, she could feel Lilith’s eyes studying every move she made; calculating every twitch of her muscles to come up with an unspoken solution. Though she analyzed however, she did it quietly and without urging Kris to spit it out before she was ready.