Speed of Sound

Chapter 31 - Roses, roses laid upon your bed spread

I couldn't help but feel insecure again. I should be out of my mind with happiness. And I was. But a little piece of my mind was having other thoughts; thoughts that were causing me to doubt and feel scared. Again.

Damien once promised me that he'll never leave. Actually no. He didn't promise that. He promised not to cheat on me. Then I guess the fact that he left me five months ago was different. He didn't break a promise. But he did break my heart.

A heart that I thought was healed in Italy when he told me he loved me for the first time. But a part of me was still suspicious. Then again, maybe there wasn't a way to completely feel secure in a relationship. I knew that sometimes he could see right through me, read the fear in my eyes, because he would assure me that he loves me as soon as he noticed the slightest change in me.

But now it was a different fear. Damien was clear about his feelings from the start. I was the one holding back, too afraid to show him how much I really love him and that made him feel insecure. I could tell because everytime I mentioned Alex, his eyes would change and he felt the need to hear how I felt about him.

Now, I was scared that he asked me to marry him because he felt insecure. But we were both clear on our views on the matter; "If a person wants to cheat, it will happen; married or not". So I doubt that marrying me would make him feel safe and secure.

So what was it? Why I couldn't just let go and be happy? I needed another opinion. I knew that Damien was Cleo's brother but she was also my best friend. Thankfully, after we made up, she didn't seem to have a problem with my relationship with him.

"Where are you?" I asked Cleo on the phone.

"Home, what's up?" she asked.

"Oh, good. I need to see you. Can I pick you up in a while? Some shopping is in order," I replied.

Half an hour later, we were inside our favorite store, walking around and looking at clothes.

"So, Damien is being weird," I said.

"Weird? Already?" she chuckled "Have you even had time to talk? I bet you were only having sex since last night," she mocked.

"That can't stop someone from talking!" I raised my eyebrows and smirked.

"Dear Lord," she winced.

"What if he just feels insecure that I'm over here without him when he's away in Italy?" I asked out of the blue. "What if he changes his mind when he gets back?"

"I'm confused," she let down a top she was holding and turned towards me.

"He asked me to marry him," I explained. I couldn't fight back the smile.

"What?" she asked so loudly and thrilled that some girls turned to look at us. I looked around me sideways and then back at her; a wide smile on her face. "Why aren't you thrilled?" she narrowed her eyes.

"I told you. What if he asked me to marry him because he's just feeling insecure? He was always clear about his feelings towards me and I was always afraid to tell him."

"I thought, after Italy, everything was great. I thought everything was out in the open," she asked.

"And you're right. But what if he still feels like I'm holding back?" I asked; my fingers fidgeting.

"Baby," she begun "What you're doing now, this is how you're holding back," she said "Look at me," she told me and I turned my eyes to hers "The love of your life asked you to marry him and you're overanalyzing it! Just be happy!!" she smiled.