Say you love me

53

"I don't care what you're doing, John! You need to help me out here! I'm through doing this alone!" Chris shouted into the receiver.
"Chris, you're not doing this alone..."
"You say that now! Everything's fine because you're here now! There's no money for rent, no money for food, no money for heat! I haven't done anything for myself in five years. I can't take her tantrums and her messes! Why aren't you helping me?"

Silence on the other end of the phone. John didn't know what to say. Paying Chris's rent would say plenty. She angrily stubbed out her cigarette into the full ashtray. She felt like throwing it against the wall, flinging the butts at the wall until it was a sooty mess.

The anger inside her was getting more intense every minute she kept living like this; she was tired of being the Martyr Mother, the one who got understanding looks and sad smiles whenever she and her daughter went out. The mother who couldn't stay and talk with the others while their children played, because she had to be at work.

"Chris, I'll see what I can do, but Mick isn't going to be happy..."
"I don't care what he thinks! I'll bring her tomorrow. I can't do this anymore." Christine slammed down the phone and sighed a great breath of relief.

She picked the receiver back up and dialed Stevie's number. It rang four times before there was an answer.
"Hello?" Stevie sounded tired.
"Stevie? It's Christine. Look, I know it's late but I'm having a breakdown. John and I both think you'd be perfect in the band and you'd soar higher than Icarus, but we totally understand if you're not into it right now."
"It's not that, it's just...Robin. She's so sick and her baby boy and I just can't leave her now. I can't leave her now when she's almost gone. She's my best friend."

Chris's heart softened. They weren't ignoring her on purpose, they were waiting for their friend to die.

"I understand. Stevie, I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay. It's been a while since you made us your offer. We want it. But first..." Stevie's voice broke off.
"Yes, of course. I'm sorry for bothering you with this. I'll let you go now." Christine hung up without another word, mortified. She felt like the world's scummiest person.

She sat up as she remembered her purse. She rustled around until she found the tiny vial that a waitress at work had given her after commenting on the bags under her eyes. Lana said it would help her relax and feel better.
"You'll be SuperMum with this stuff," she laughed as she pressed the vial into Chris's hand.

It looked like sand. It felt like sand. It also made her nose bleed. But it kept her awake and by dawn, the house sparkled clean.