Say you love me

54

"You're going to Daddy's for a little while," Christine said as she maneuvered the car down the steep street. Pearl sat in the backseat in the red wool pea coat that Chris had had to sew buttons on after buying it from the thrift shop.
"But I want to play with Alicia's new puppy, Mummy. He's soft like my teddy."
"Well you can play with him when you come home."
"Can I have Joni?"

Chris sighed. Her head was pounding, and there was still dried blood on the top of her nose.
"Mummy has a headache, darling." She shifted the car into second position as she turned the slick icy corner.

John was waiting outside when they arrived. Pearl smiled when she saw him through the car window, her tiny teeth sparkling like the icicles on the gutters.
"Hi, Daddy!" Pearl waved her red mittened hand as Chris pulled her from the backseat of the car. She handed her to John before bending down to remove the suitcase from the car floor.

"Hello, love." John gave his little girl a kiss on her rosy cheek. Pearl laughed at her daddy's scratchy beard. Christine set down the suitcase by John's feet, then gave him a look.

"Darling, why don't you go inside and sit on the setee? I'll bring you a biscuit." John set the tiny girl down before kneeling down to unbutton her coat.
"I want to watch the telly."
"Just turn the knob." She went into the house, her tiny shoes making little patters. John turned to Chris.

"So what's up?" He tried not to look at the red spot on her nose and the vacant look in her tired blue eyes, or the wrinkles of her jumper.

"I can't... I'm just... I don't want to be a mum right now. She's not good for me. I'm not good for her. I can't be her mummy right now. You need to take your turn now."
"But Chris, I don't know how to take care of a little girl." John looked uneasily at his wife. He had no toys or even a single board game in his house, not even considering the fact that the house was a death trap with the lack of child proofing.
"Neither do I." She reached into her pocket and put something heavy and rectangular into John's hand.

"I'll be back. I don't know when. I just need a break. Please." Chris pressed her palm on top of the item she handed John, grasping his hand.
"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do." He touches the tip of her nose, brushing her cheek with his hand. He gave her a kiss on her forehead before she turned and drove away.

John looked at what Chris had placed in his hand. It was a tape.

Joni Mitchell, Clouds.