Minho Imagines (Minho X Reader)

Behind Your Back {Final}

It felt like it took forever for you to get over Newt.

It felt like walking on shards of glass in the dark. You had no idea if you were even moving forward at all, while still hurting with glass piercing your bare feet. You had no clue which way to go or where exactly you were. You had no idea if the next step meant stepping on another broken and sharp piece of glass or not. However, you kept walking and walking - sometimes, running recklessly - all for the hope that the next step meant no more pain or darkness.

Those were the first few days, weeks and months. Every time you saw Newt, it felt like another agonizing step in the darkness. He was hurting you and when you cried through sleepless nights you didn't know if the next days even had the chance to get better. Thoughts of him would fill your mind with darkness.

But then, almost as if out of nowhere, came the light.

Slowly, you began to find your way and you saw those shards of glass. Sometimes, you'd still find yourself getting hurt but that's when you realized it was because you let them. You could see the shards of glass beneath your feet, and you still walked through them. You still let them pierce your feet in your every step.

You came to the sad conclusion that all this time, the darkness that clouded you - it wasn't from Newt. You were simply just denying it all this time because you knew that it was from you. You knew he didn't even mean to hurt you, maybe Moira did, but not Newt. Yet, it still hurt you. Each and every day that you saw him - because you let him hurt you. You wanted him to hurt you because you absolutely felt like you deserved that.

You were never angry at Newt, you were angry at yourself. You were so cross with yourself because you believed that you were the most pathetic human being in the world who could lose someone like Newt and you bargained with yourself a deal: that you deserved all this pain and suffering because you were such a terrible person. That you wanted to endure all the suffering because you believed that it had your name on it.

However, like you said during the many months ago that you broke up with Newt, 'People fall in love or they think they do and then they really do. It happens.' Back then, you knew that when you said it you were mostly trying to say it to yourself to believe it. But now? You've come to accept that. You may have been in love with Newt, and maybe he was with you for a while but it wasn't like that anymore. Newt didn't love you, he loved Moira. You said you were okay with it before even when you weren't but now you've accepted that.

Newt didn't love you. It was sad to admit it but strangely, it felt liberating as well. You finally felt ready to let go of this hurt that so unnecessarily tied itself around the thought of Newt because you realize that Newt only hurt you because of you. You sprinkled those shards of glass beneath your feet and now it was time to not let them hurt you even when you saw it. To not let Newt hurt you anymore.

It was like the sun started to shine brighter when you finally came to accept that. It was a slow, tiring journey but now, every time you saw Newt, you realized that you smiled when you saw him happy. You cared about the boy, and that would never ever change. So to see him happy, even when that happiness didn't come from you, made you happy too.

When Newt caught your eyes for the first time in months, there was the familiar flash of worry as if he'd been caught doing something illegal but then you sent him a smile. He seemed shocked at first as Moira was talking with him in the gardens, but he smiled back at you and everything changed since then.

It was like everything finally started getting back to normal.

You found yourself smiling more and spending much better days next to your best friends. Teresa stopped giving you concerned looks and finally got back to treating you with snarky comments and doing silly things in the Med-hut when no one needed tending to (okay, even if someone needed tending to). Thomas would be less quiet now. He was kind of keeping his distance since he was still close with Newt and you and he just didn't want to make it anymore awkward, especially since it affected your other friends too - but now, everything and everyone was getting back together. Newt would join you and the other at the table during dinners whenever he could, without Moira. It was happening a lot more often recently which was nice. It was like the whole team was okay.