X Games

a breather

****This goes out to my day one readers, the ones that curse Maya out. The ones that harass me on the daily to update****

Opening my eyes to see darkness, I was so scared to look around, it felt as if I was paralyzed. I began to cry because I couldn't tell whether or not that was a dream or reality. I couldn't feel a thing around me, I couldn't breathe as I began to choke on my sobs. I was trying so hard to breathe, but instead, I was choking, as tears ran down my face. The saltwater from my tears were burning my eyes causing me to cry more, which created a painful cycle. I guess I was being loud because someone began to hover over me, I was staring at them but I wasn't focused on their face, it was them trying to keep me calm.

"Maya, relax" They said, in a rush voiced but I couldn't listen as I tried hard to breathe.

I guess they were straddling my waist because they are directly on top of me, I felt my body shaking and my heart felt like it was going to explode. I was finally able to recognize what was wrong with me and I was having a panic attack. I tried to focus on one thing, to try and calm down but it was hard with someone on top of me. So I focused on my breathing, closing my eyes and trying to zone out and focus on my breathing, whoever was on top of me, is now off, my breathing seemed to go back to normal.

I finally opened my eyes, wiping my tears and focusing on where I was, in my room, fully clothed, in the same clothes I was wearing in my "dream". I look up to see Megan in my room and she looked stressed as she breathed hard.

"What..the..fuck...was..that?" She asked as she worked to control her breathing.

"I was having a panic attack," I said.

"Nigga, why the fuck, did you have one?" She asked once she finally got her breathing together.

"Um, I don't know. Was Shooter here?" I asked her and she looked at me like I was lost.

"Bitch, no the fuck, he didn't" She said and on that note, I looked on phone to see no text messages and that it was 3 am, unlocking my phone to go to IG and going on his friend's account to see I wasn't buggin all the way out, he was in Harlem and I was dressed to curse his ass out, I can't believe I fell asleep. I can't believe I had a panic attack over that nigga. I can't believe that I had a whole panic attack and I haven't had one since I was 16. I am in disbelief that he hasn't called me or texted me in 2 weeks. Seeing that I was calm, Megan went back to her room.

Instead of texting his bitch ass, I decided to facetime him and he better answer or he has Hell to pay for when I catch his ass in traffic. He didn't answer. I was ready to set my bail up because I am ready to beat his ass and go to jail for assault. So I texted him with a smooth.

"Watch when I catch ya dumbass in traffic" Knowing he can see it because he has an apple watch

And didn't respond but he left me on 'read'.

A number I didn't recognize calls me.

To my surprise I see this nigga, to see his lima bean built ass is inside SOMEWHERE.

"Where the fuck are you?" I asked, fuck a "hi" fuck a "hello' bitch.

"Nigga, I am in the studio," He said as he turned the camera around and he was there, ain't a bitch in sight, nothing but niggas and liquor.

"leave for a minute, or ya little ass friends finna hear you get cursed out," I said and his friends said "dayuuuuum" not minding one part of their business.

He kisses his teeth and gets up and goes to where I believe is a hallway.

"What?" He said catching an attitude.

Setting my phone up so it was standing and I wasn't holding it because this nigga gonna need hand gestures.

"Why in the holy fuck didn't you think that it was ok to not call nor text me for 2 weeks, my nigga?" I asked trying to remain calm.

"Nigga, I lost my phone tonight," He said but that didn't answer SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIT.

"So who phone are you talking on? Nigga, that only solves tonight, what about the other 14 fucking days bruh?" I said and I was hurt and I was mad as shit.

"I just want to know, how you can consider yourself to be my boyfriend? I don't know if you dead or alive, if you on tour, if you fucking and ducking these bitches." I said

"I'm talking on one of East's phones till I get back another one, tomorrow. I'm alive and I have been on a small tour, nothing major," He said, but not realizing that he didn't deny fucking bitches.

"What you just did was a weak bitch move," I said, I am a real life cry baby bruh, because the tears that I just tried are starting to run. Like him doing that literally just threw me over the edge bruh.

"Why are you crying?" He asked.

"Nigga, you don't know what the fuck you just said to me bruh, I wish we never made it official, this wasn't meant to be anything more than fuck buddies," I said trying to wipe my tears but that didn't work.

"Baby, they meant nothing, absolutely nothing," He said as he finally caught on to what I was talking about.

"They? more than one?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Man, I had so much love for a nigga that didn't think to call me for 2 weeks. He cheated on me, with bitches that can't fight and built like a fucking punching bag," I said to myself as he just stared at me knowing he fucked the fuck up.

"I am so sorry," He said.

"Fuck your bitch ass sorry, nigga I had so much love for you, I cherished every little moment we had. Me just chilling in the studio with you as you were in the booth and I did my law homework was the happiest moment because we were both chasing our dreams together. Just chilling with you and being in your embrace was meaningful bro. Just to hug you and smell your cologne would have me floating and to smell like you for the rest of the day. Me telling my bitches I can't go out with them and to just watch a movie with you was better than any club. The fact you were able to have me fall so deeply for you and for you to just throw that shit back in my face as you fucked bitches and not call me for 2 weeks shows how much you thought of me. For those 2 weeks I felt like I was drowning, the fact that you were my friend before we even dated just hurts even more," I said as I was talking through my tears because I can feel my heart breaking as each tear dropped.

"I can't do this anymore cuz," I said and he lifted his head at the camera confused.

"What you mean?" He asked.

"I can't date you anymore like I am beyond deadass. You see no fucking fault in what the fuck you did. You cheated on me, you had the fucking nerve to not see whether I was dead or alive. You just ain't shit. If you come by my house, I will get ya car lit up like a Christmas tree my nigga. The fact I just shed some tears over you, showed that you had my bitch ass dummy whipped. Fuck you and enjoy ya life." I said and I hung up the phone, as I fell back into my pillow with my tears rushing back as I clutched my chest with the heartbreak I was having.