✖He's Not Mine [An Utterly Ridiculous Dramione Baby Story . . . Sort-of]

ONE

THE ACCIDENT

Again, the three students stood in front of the heavy doors. They were open, but again the three of them still stood, staring up and around in awe.

"It looks the same," Harry Potter whispered.

"Yeah, mate . . . but does it feel the same?"

Hermione Granger tore her eyes away from a miniscule crack in a tile to look up at Ron Weasley. "It's never going to feel the same. Never."

Harry shrugged. "Come on, you two. If there's one thing I hope's still here is the Hogwarts feasts."

At this, smiles wormed their way onto the faces of the trio as they took their first step back into Hogwarts and walked leisurely to the Great Hall.

■■■■■

"You're late," Professor Slughorn observed as four figures walked into his class a few weeks later -- for the tenth time. He didn't have the heart to scold anyone. The empty seats had been too much for the professors to bear and it was for this reason that all four houses found themselves in one class.

"Sorry, Professor," Hermione said, in the front of the group. "We overslept."

She gestured to the four girls behind her. Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, Fay Dunbar, and Eloise Midgen. Professor Slughorn nodded and gestured for them to take their seats. Hermione's gaze zeroed on her best friends, but they'd paired up with each other and Seamus Finnegan.

Hermione chose a seat very far away. Of course, Lavender followed close behind. Since she'd saved the girl's life, Lavender had spent every possible moment near Hermione. The two girls sat at an empty desk which would soon receive a third when the door opened again and four Slytherins entered.

"Sorry, Professor," the leader, Blaise Zabini said. "We had to drag Goyle's sorry arse out of bed," he explained, gesturing to Gregory Goyle, who stood between a very put off Theodore Nott and very pissed off Draco Malfoy. "He didn't want to come," Blaise added.

There were a few giggles as Goyle lazily blinked at the professor. Only slightly annoyed, Slughorn indicated for them to take their seats. "I hope Blaise comes to sit by us," Lavender whispered.

"I hope none of them do," Hermione said.

"Well, one of them have to," Lavender said, pointing out that only one desk remained empty, "and I'd rather it be Blaise than any of the others. He seems most polite."

Hermione shrugged. "Well, when it's down to those four . . . I'd take Blaise any day. But let's get on with the potion. What are we making again?"

Lavender peered at the textbook they shared. "The ageing potion."

Hermione nodded. "Right, I forgot."

Lavender smiled. "It's all right. You've got to put the flobberworms in, and the chopped leaves. Together, or it says here there could be disaster. There's a footnote, though. If the leaves are added first, the potion should simply be discarded. If the worms are added first -- hmm, it doesn't say."

Hermione shrugged. "Worms or leaves, Lavender?"

The other girl shuddered. "Leaves, please."

Hermione smiled in amusement as she handed the leaves to Lavender. She glanced up at that moment to see three Slytherin boys seated at the front, missing a certain blond. She groaned inwardly but said nothing. She did have a few choice words when Draco said "Boo," softly between the two girls and they both dropped their ingredients in. The only problem was that the worms fell faster.

"Miss Granger!" Slughorn scolded, ashamed at her language on her behalf, seeing as the witch was glaring Draco down. Lavender explained quickly what had happened and Slughorn ordered that no one touch the bubbling potion.

Hermione gave an angry yell and pushed a laughing Draco as hard as she could. He stumbled backwards into their table and the cauldron tipped over. As the liquid spread to the front of the room, the door opened.

Professor Snape stepped in the reddish liquid before anyone could say a thing. They waited, but nothing happened. Calmly, Slughorn explained the situation.

Snape's eyes widened but he said nothing. He pulled out his wand and siphoned the liquid back into the cauldron that Lavender quickly righted.

"No damage done, professor," Snape drawled. "Now, I merely came to speak with Mr Potter. If you don't mind?"

"No, no. Please. Harry, m'boy, if you'd follow Professor Snape?"

Curious and slightly scared, Harry stood and followed Professor Snape out of the classroom.

"Miss Granger and Mr Malfoy, the two of you will serve detention tonight after your class with Professor Snape. Mr Malfoy, for your unacceptable behaviour and Miss Granger for your utterly inappropriate language."

The named students sulkily sat down while Lavender quietly spoke to Hermione.

■■■■■

To say it was a strange sight would be an understatement.

Professor Snape stood before his class, a smile on his face and --

"Do his eyes look brighter?"

"Is that a happy smile?"

"Is that robe dark gray? It's not black?"

"Did he actually wash his hair?"

Professor Snape's smile vanished and he glowered at the student responsible for the last comment and all chatter ceased.

"Welcome," Snape said with a happy glint in his eyes, "to Defense Against the Dark Arts."

■■■■■

One by one, the students trickled out of the classroom, some expressing their delight that no mention of practicing the Dark Arts had occurred and that they'd been promised to have mastered either Occlumency or Legillimency by the end of the school year.

Only Hermione and Draco remained in their seats on opposite ends of the classroom, glaring daggers at each other.

After quite a lot of silence, there was a nice surprise waiting for them.

"Miss Granger . . . Draco, if you'd both be so kind as to come forward. I require some . . . assistance."

They shared a confused glance. The professor was nowhere in sighed. In fact, he sounded less nasally, and perhaps . . . younger.

"Now. There seems to have been some side effects of stepping in Miss Granger's potion."

The students rushed forward when they realised the professor sounded like a teenager. There, behind the desk, was a rapidly shrinking little boy.

"Madame Pomferey should --" was all he managed before he was just a baby blinking up at them. The baby stared with eyes like saucers at Hermione. "Mama?"

"Merlin's callused arse," the witch muttered.