✖He's Not Mine [An Utterly Ridiculous Dramione Baby Story . . . Sort-of]

FORTY

YOU CAN'T COPYRIGHT OUR LIVES, THEODORE

Hermione and Draco sat, staring at the black screen slack-jawed.

Theo leaned forward to look at Hermione, who was seated on the other side of Allegra. "I didn't know you were the type to see the credits through to the end."

"There was a post-credits scene," Allegra said. "I told her about it, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Hermione? Draco? Any comments?"

"That's my life!" Draco shouted suddenly, gesturing at the screen with both hands, startling the few people that had remained behind. "You made a movie with a character that is me in almost every aspect!"

"You copyrighted the movie," Hermione said. "YOU CAN'T COPYRIGHT OUR LIVES, THEODORE!"

Theo shrugged. "Didn't you see the little note at the end? Just before the title card? 'Based on a true story'? And you never said no when I brought it up."

Hermione sighed. "Well, it was a good movie."

"A good movie?" Draco echoed while Theo beamed. "It was unnerving!"

Hermione shrugged. "It was all right. I think if things had remained exactly the same, I'd have been slightly disturbed, but it was good."

"He just had to change your kid's name," Allegra said, "five names isn't usually the norm over here in Hollywood."

"Yeah okay fine, but why on earth would you call me Peyton?" Draco asked. "Why?"

"I didn't want to name the baby Tobias, so I chose his second name for him and his third for you."

Hermione smiled. "Elle is definitely better than Peyton. A rather random choice, though, don't you think?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Her full name was Helen. Helen, in Greek mythology, is the sister of Hermes, which is where your name comes from. There's nothing random about Elle's name."

"Why do you know that?" Allegra asked. "Do you just store useless and or random knowledge?"

Draco sighed. "The movie wasn't . . . bad," he eventually decided to tell Theo.

Theo accepted the praise. "If you'll excuse me, I have to make an appearance as the director of yet another box office hit. I expect to see the two of you at the after party in my villa. Ciao."

"What language was he speaking?" Hermione asked when Theo and Allegra was gone.

"This is why wizards and Muggles shouldn't mix. It creates disasters like Theo. He's become so integrated in the American Muggle culture, it's slightly scary."

"You wanna know what's really scary?" Hermione asked. "Leaving the theatre after that nitwit announced to that reporter who the 'inspiration' for this movie is."

"Oh, that is scary . . ."

"We should probably leave, though. We can't stay in here forever."

Draco shrugged and stood up before he offered his arm to Hermione. "Shall we, Miss Granger?"

Hermione smiled. "I suppose so, Mr Malfoy."

■■■■■

The cameras would not stop flashing. Seeing as Theo was busy answering to the press, Allegra took it upon herself to usher the pair out of sight. They were nearly in the car.

"Ms Granger! Ms Granger, is it true that you are the inspiration for Helen Garner in Baby Steps?"

Hermione paused. Allegra tried to push her into the car without looking like she was doing anything, but she wouldn't budge. Draco slipped his arm around Hermione's waist and pulled, but it was no use.