Adolescence; The dawn of Love (COMPLETED)

8.Confronting my Sin; Love

My whole body was anaesthetic to see baba looking at me with anger in his eyes and i heard my voice from miles away, "BABA?"

How everything changes just in a moment. A second before....i was considering myself the most happiest person in the world. And now....a moment after....i wanted to bury myself so deep that i couldn't be found ever!
I was afraid? No! I was dead inside. I wasn't able to breath, i wasn't able to move and futhermore i wasn't even able to think. All my mind could think of was the kiss....the unspoken promise, which i could see breaking into pieces now.

Before Daniyal could come downstairs, baba gripped my arm tightly and pushed me to my room. I had no way but to pretend that nothing happened.
My subconscious consoled me,"Maybe he doesn't know anything, maybe he's angry for some other reason, why overreact and tell him what he doesn't even know? Okay Amal stay calm and confident. You can do this girl"

Feeling the void, i broke the silence,"Baba i was just..."
With that i heard a loud thump followed by many echoes and felt my cheeks numb at once. My face toward the floor and disbelieve in my eyes. HE SLAPPED ME.

I was never slapped by anyone before in my life EVER! And today... It was by someone i loved the most, i respected the most, my beloved baba. What else could i feel rather than disbelieve? Was love a sin? Maybe it was. And tonight was the night i was confronting my sin.

Baba stormed with his blood eyes, "ENOUGH!! ENOUGH AMAL!! IS THERE SOMETHING LEFT TO SAY OR DO NOW? I WON'T HEAR A SINGLE WORD FROM YOU NOW"

And i was quite. This was enough to make me shut up. I never saw baba this much angry....and hurt. And that, because of me. I was hating my existance.

He inquired,"From when is it going on?"
I had no answer, i didn't know myself. I was silent and that silence made baba even more furious and he shouted, "FROM WHEN IS IT GOING ON AMAL??!?"

My whole body trembled but i had to think of something. I couldn't live without Daniyal. I had to talk about him....about us!
I stated slowly with my gaze on the floor, "I'm sorry baba. I'm really sorry. But...."
I wasn't able to utter the truth in front of my father. And that 'but' made him curious so he shouted, "BUT??"
And yet again...i was silent.
He repeated his question by taking my arm in his grip, "BUT WHAT AMAL??"
I cried, "BUT I LOVE HIM BABA......i love him"

With that he let go of my arm and i started reading his face. I thought i did it until i saw my father's eyes getting moistened. His looked older than he actually was. I did not want to hurt him but i did not want to loose my Daniyal.

Baba asked me with a tired voice, "This was all left to be heard? you'll fight with your father for a boy? What does he have? What does he have that makes you not think about your father, Amal? Are you THAT selfish? My daughter, whom i brought up with so much love and effort, would turn out to be this much selfish? I can't believe that. Would that i had killed you when you were born Amal Fatima!!"

His last statement echoed in my mind that made my feet frozen at their place and i wasn't able to hear my heartbeat anymore. This was much more than i expected. This was too much for me to digest. This was a shame on my existance.

With blurred vision i could see him making an exit when he stopped at my back and said without turning back, "He's going back tomorrow. You are free to go with him, only if he takes you along. You are not my daughter and i am not your father"

Without waiting for my responce, he made his way out leaving me freeze at my place.....unable to move, unable to think, unable to sleep that night. I could only hear baba's soul-killing words that made me restless throughout the night. There was no doubt in my decision. I had made it already...

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Allah ho Akbar
Allah ho Akbar
La ilaha illAllah
(Morning prayer call)

The call of prayer touched my ears from a distance, it was surely the time of Fajr. I wasn't able to sleep with fear yet i did not turn on lights the whole night. I thought i deserved this darkness. The Azaan made the chain of my thoughts break and i, at once, stood up and rushed straight to do the washroom.

My restless soul wanted some peace and i had it now from the serene voice of Muazzin.

Hayya alaSalah
Hayya alaSalah
Hayya alalFalah
Hayya alalFalah

And i felt like someone was calling me to the right path as if someone knew my story....as if the Muazzin was directly adressed to me and i was already in a search of falah(beneficence). I was ready to repent whatsoever the cost was!

Finally, tears rolled over my face that were caught up inside the whole night as soon as i joined my hands to pray. I was feeling myself lighter and much peaceful. Finally i was able to sleep.

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The hustle bustle outside made my eyes open. Undoubtfully Daniyal's family was ready to leave. Soon my door got knocked my Bisma and Daniyal asking me to come out and see them off. Who knew i had already said a goodbye to him?

I pretended to sleep and did not answered anyone. I wanted to stay alone, atleast that was what i deserved...i thought. I could hear everyone outside asking about me to which baba told them, "She must be sleeping Saira baji, we had a long chat yesternight. I recommend you to not wake her up"

And i heard them going. I knew what Daniyal must have been thinking but to me....my Father was most important. I couldn't choose anyone but my Father. I chosed baba.

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Author's note :

That's it for today!!
Such an emotional chapter, no? yes? I'm crying myself :(

I hope you liked it, loved it and FELT it. If yes, tap the star below.
And like always....do let me know about your precious feedback❤
Until next time peeps

Published on: 15-7-18 5:30PM