That Love ➳ l.t.&e.c.

17. That Moment

Eleanor's POV 

"And how do you feel about that?" Dr. Hanna Yews asks me, as I fiddle with my rings, looking out the big, clean window in her office

"Feel about what?" I muse, my eyes flickering to her diploma, which she has so proudly displayed on her wall. Dr. Hanna Yews, Psychoanalytic, Cognitive Behavioral Therapist.

"About the recent events that have taken place in your life?"

"How do I feel?" I ask, turning to look at her, for the first time since I walked through the door of her practice, "I feel scared, I feel annoyed, I feel guilty...I feel distraught,"

"I see, why those feelings?"

"Why those feelings?!" I demand, my eyes icing over, "Why? I can still feel that knife in my hand, I can still feel the way it pierced into him, the way it cut through his body, the tearing feeling. I can still see his face, begging me, pleading me not to do it, to stop. I can still hear his pleads, to stop, for help. I can still remember the feeling of disappointment, in myself," I break off, tears clouding my vision, "Do you know what its like? To be so mind numbingly petrified that you decide to take someones life? Do you know what its like to kill someone? A person, a human, a living thing, was standing in front of me, and I took away from him the most valuable thing he had. He could have had a wife and kids, he could have had a family, and I took that away. Just because I was a coward," 

I grab my bag and get up, walking towards the door, "Eleanor?" Dr. Yews calls

I turn around, my expression blank

"I do know what it feels like, and you are not a coward," she says solemnly,

I pause, before continuing out the door towards my car

***

A soft knock on my door causes me to wrap a towel around my body," Come in," I say as I exit my bathroom

Louis walks in, looking at me anxiously, biting his lip,

"Hey," he says gently,

I breathe out deeply and smile slightly,

"Hey,"

"How are you?" Louis asks

"I'm fine, I just need to change into my clothes," I say, indicating my wet body covered by a towel,

"Yeah yeah of course, I can come back later?"

"No, no stay here I'll just be a minute, I need to talk to you,"

I grab my pyjamas and run into the bathroom to change, before emerging back into my bedroom, sitting on the bed next to Louis, who tries to put his arm around me. I take it gently and place it back on his lap. I look at him, my eyebrows furrowed, biting my lip solemnly. A look of confusion plants on his face,

"Louis, I know we've been through a lot together and I am so, so grateful for you being here for me and for helping me," I try to steady my breathing, but I can feel tears stinging at my eyes, and a lump forming in my throat, "But you really hurt me Louis, you..you broke my heart, and right now, I'm in no position to be played with," 

"Ellie," Louis breaths, hurt flying across his face in all directions,

"Please don't call me that," I whisper

"Eleanor," he says, steely, "I feel like you're breaking up with me, but we were never together,"

"Louis, I don't know if it would be good for us to...," I break off, as the lump in my throat threatens to break, "Louis, you hurt me beyond words and I-"

"I hurt you?" Louis demands, "You annihilated me!" 

"Louis, you hurt me, not the other way around," I say, wide eyed, my eyebrows knitted

"You know what El? You're right! We shouldn't be anything, friends, more than that, nothing. Let's go back to how we were, that seemed to work great," he snarls at me,

"Lou, I didn't mean that I just meant tha-"

"I know what you meant Eleanor and you know what? Fuck you," he growls, before getting up and walking out of my room, slamming the door closed

Tears blur my vision as I get up to run after him, but I can already hear his car starting up

I flop onto my bed and bury my head into my pillows, letting everything out, screaming into them, crying into them, cursing into them.

Even when I try and protect myself from being hurt by him, Louis Tomlinson finds a way to turn me into his punching bag, and beat the shit into me with his words.

***

Dani and I walk side by side to my locker,

"So he, like, lost his shit and yelled and ran out?" Dani asks, her eyes wide as we reach my locker,

"He didn't scream, he very angrily spoke at a normal volume," I correct her, pulling open my locker, once the correct combination is in,

"What did you do after?" she asks

"I screamed into my pillows and cried, very professionally," I say, a sad smile laying on my face, as I pull out the books and folders I need for my next few classes until lunch,

"I'm so sorry El," Dani sympathizes,

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I say, unfazed, 

"Let's go," Dani says after a minute, "You're History class is on the way to Geography," 

As we walk, a body slams into mine, causing me to drop my books,

"I am so-" the voice starts, bending down, causing me to look up, "Not sorry," Louis finishes seeing my face and standing up,

"No need to be a dick Lou," Dani growls, bending down to help me pick up my books. I straighten up and Louis looks at me stonily,

"It doesn't matter," I say meekly,

"Don't act so innocent Calder," Louis snarls

"You know what Lou?" I say, walking up to him, so there's only centimetres separating us, "Screw you," 

I push past him, down the hall to my class, not even looking back. Louis wasn't telling the truth when he said things would go back to normal. There even worse now.

Author's Note

Hiya petals c: okay so long(ish) chapter for ye c: I really hope ye enjoy it and thank you so much petals for all your comments and votes it was lovely to read them and see people all happy because I updated and aw c: So I was wondering if you guys would be interested if I held a little competition, like a cover competition or a story name competition or something like that? I was thinking about it but I wasn't sure if I would get enough entries so if you would be interested in entering, could you please comment down below and let me know? If I don't get enough people, I won't but just if some of ye were interested I might dabble on the thought c: Alsoooo I was looking for an editor, someone to edit some of my books because I am too lazy :c I would give them creds and dedicate some chapters to them and follow them and vote and comment on their stories, but it would be a great help! c: If you're interested, comment down below or dm me or something, okay? c: so that's all for now petals, new update on My Not So Secret Babies coming up soooon so keep an eye out for that and new update soon c: 

*DoN't FoRgEt To CoMmEnT aNd VoTe PlEaSe ThAnK yOu PeTaLs*

Love ye petals,

Niamh x