Find My Heart (boyxboy)

1. Pity Party

Cole

I pulled my hood over my head as I walked down the road, the tips of my messy blond hair sticking out, covering part of my face. My hands were shoved in my pockets, my shoulders hunched. I looked like the stereotypical teen boy up to no good.

I arrived at my destination and glanced around.

A lady and her small child were walking up the other side of the road, so I carried on walking, not breaking my stride.

After another few seconds, I stopped and bent over, pretending to tie my shoelace. My shoelace actually was loose, but rather than tie it, I just tucked it back down the side of my trainer.

Before I stood back up, I looked around again. The lady was already 50 or so yards down the road, and there was no one else in sight.

I stood back up, hitched my backpack back onto my shoulder, and started walking back the way I came.

I slowed down as I reached where I needed to be, and once again, I glanced around. Seeing the coast was clear, I walked over to the big iron gate that led to Highfield Hall.

I looked in and saw no sign of anybody there. No people, and more importantly, no cars outside.

I carried on walking round the corner and down the small pathway that led down the side of the hall, to the river at the bottom.

About a hundred yards in, I stopped, had one more glance around, then I walked over to the section of wall which had partly fallen down some time ago, then scrambled up and over into the grounds of Highfield Hall .

I landed in a crouched position and surveyed my surroundings.

The only sound I could hear was gentle bird song, coming from the wooded area that lay ahead of me. That was where I needed to be. That was where the cover was.

I ran across the grass, as fast as I could. I ran across the driveway, and up a slight hill, through some bushes and into the safety of the trees.

As soon as I was there I pulled my hood down and took in a deep breath. In and out.

I pulled my rucksack off my back and pulled out my notepad, small compact camera, and a pen.

Oh, and The Collins Complete Guide to British Insects.

You see, I wasn't a stereotypical teenager at all. I was a wildlife enthusiast, or a geek as most people seemed to like to call me.

Now, let's see what I could find today....

*******************************

My dad dropped me off at college before heading off to work, just like he did every day. Unless he was working away.

I wandered in making my way to my first class of the day. The large corridors were busy as always and so I took my headphones out of my ears and shoved them in the pocket of my hoodie.

"Hey Coley boy," someone said before shouldering me into the wall.

"Bite me," I shouted back, continuing on my way.

Sure I wasn't at high school anymore, and yes the bullying wasn't anything like what it was, but unfortunately some of the idiots had ended going to the same college as me and still liked to torment me occasionally.

High school had been a living hell for me. I basically had a flag that said "bully me" waving above my head in bright neon letters.

For as long as I could remember I had always been smaller than the other boys in my class. My dad used to call me 'the runt of the litter', but of course he saw this as a cute thing, not a 'makes it much easier to fit him in a locker' thing.

On top of that I unknowingly outed myself as gay at the tender age of 7. We were discussing weddings in class, when I decided to announce to the whole class that I wanted to marry Harry Timpson when I grew up. At the time the other kids just laughed at me, but a few years later the laughter turned into taunts and jibes, and eventually fists. And, of course, Harry Timpson turned out to one of the worst homophobes I knew.

I couldn't help but think that might have been at least partly my fault.

And last but not least, there was my eye defect.

I was basically born with one blue eye and one brown, and I was pretty much blind in the blue one. Thankfully I had 20/20 vision in my brown one, but this didn't stop the kids from making fun of my odd appearance or my glasses that I had to have specially made. So of course I didn't wear them, but with only having one good eye, it really affected my depth perception, so I was regularly tripping over or falling off things.

But enough of the pity party.

I was in college now, and things were definitely getting better.

I made my way to my first class of the day which also happened to be my favourite. Ecology. I wanted to be a conservationist when I left education as I loved everything about the outdoors and nature.

Except rabbits. But I wasn't going to think about them today.

"Hey Cole," Natalie said sliding into the seat next to me.

That was something else that was different about college. I had friends here. Kind of. I can't say I was particularly close to anyone, but at least people talked to me, and occasionally sat next to me.

"Hey Natalie, how's things?" I asked.

"Good thanks. Did you know that Jemma is throwing a party on Saturday night? Will you come this time?"

I screwed up my face. "No, you know I don't do parties."

"Aww, come on Cole, I bet I could hook you up with some really fit guys....." she said wiggling her eyebrows at me.

I felt a blush creep up onto my cheeks. I had absolutely no experience with dating whatsoever. I'd had a couple of crushes, but seen as I'd never even spoken to any of them, they soon disappeared.

"As if," I mumbled back to her.

"Come on Cole, don't put yourself down. You're really cute you know. Mel said she'd totally mount you if you were straight."

I put my head in my hands to hide my bright red face. I knew she was just saying it to get a reaction. I just wished my face would stop reinforcing her behaviour.

I could hear Natalie giggling as her elbow poked me in the ribs to try to get me to move my hands from my face.

"I wish you'd stop doing that," I grumbled as I finally felt able to look at her again.

"Sorry, it's just soo funny. You're so innocent, it's adorable."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"I tell you what, I'll make you a deal," she said, "come to the party with me on Saturday and I promise you I won't intentionally make you blush for a whole month."

"Make it two," I shot back.

"Done," she said, holding out her hand for me to shake.

As I shook it, I suddenly realised what I'd agreed to.

I, Cole Marsh, was going to a college party.