Find My Heart (boyxboy)

17. My Humdrum Life

Cole

I felt.......I don't know.

I suppose the only way to describe it would be numb.

Did that really just happen? There was so much to think about that I didn't know what to start with.

Maybe I should start with the fact that there are such things as werewolves!!

That was.....amazing.

I probably should be freaking out about that, but to be honest it was the only thing about tonight that made me feel in the least bit happy.

For one, it made me realise that I wasn't going mad. I knew there was something up with those dogs at the Hall, and I knew that I'd seen something odd when Percy bit that guy.

But knowing that, knowing that they were werewolves made them.....well it made them less scary.

I know that sounds stupid, but it really wasn't in my mind. It made them different. It made them secretive, and less sure around people. It made them hide from the spotlight, and hide from being who they really wanted to be.

It made them.....human?

It made them more like me.

I could feel the damp of the grass starting to seep through my jeans.

I really should move.

My mind started drifting to Nathan. It made me feel sad.

Yes, sad was the only emotion I could use to describe how I felt about him.

It wasn't like I was heartbroken. No, I couldn't be heartbroken because I wasn't in love with him.

But I liked him. I liked him a lot.

There was something about him that made me feel safe and yet excited at the same time. It was like that feeling where something comes along to dramatically change your boring mundane life, then as quick as it arrives, it disappears, making you realise what a boring and mundane life you actually have.

Before they were there, you were perfectly content with your humdrum life. But now....now it just didn't seem enough.

I wasn't stupid. I knew why he'd rejected me. I was small, weak, boring, and well, probably a liability to someone like Nathan. It seemed odd that the gods, or whoever it was, would have chosen for me to be his mate. Hell, I would be pissed off if I was him.

I don't think someone like me was ever meant to have a mate.

My mum left me as soon as I was born. My friends all left me. Well, I suppose I left them when I moved away, but it wasn't exactly of my choosing. Natalie would soon leave me too. Just tonight she had told me that I was boring.

The only person that had never left me was my dad. And I wasn't sure why.

I don't know what happened between him and my mum. All I know is that she left shortly after I was born and my dad wouldn't talk about it. He gave me a picture of her to keep, so I knew what she looked like. I'd also seen a picture of her in my dad's bedside drawer. In the picture she was holding a baby. At first I thought it was me, but when I looked closer, the baby had pink knitted booties on. I suppose it still could have been me, but it seemed unlikely.

Maybe she had another family and chose to live with them instead?

I didn't know why I was suddenly thinking about my mum. I hadn't thought about her in a long time.

I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly. I would love for someone to give me a hug right now.

I remembered the time I fell from the tree and Nathan gave me a hug. I guess it all made sense now, with me being his mate.

What must it feel like for him to have his body tell him he should be with someone, but his mind to disagree?

It must have been horrible for him. He must have been disgusted with himself everytime he touched me. It made me feel guilty. Like I had taken advantage of those urges that he couldn't control.

If he had just told me from the start, I would have stayed away.

I guess I can make it up to him by staying away from now on.

Should I leave the project? I really didn't want to. But I should. I should never go to Highfield Hall again.

I briefly wondered if my dad would need to move again with his job soon. Maybe I'd ask him.

There isn't anything left for me here anymore.

I placed my aching head onto my knees.

I really should move. It was starting to get quite cold.

I strained my eyes and looked around.

It was no good. With my good eye swollen and now fused shut, I couldn't see a thing.

I'd just have to sit here and wait till morning.

With a bit of luck, something might come along and decide to eat me. If there was such a thing as a werewolf, who knew what other creatures would be out there.

Yeah, I think that would be an ok way to go.