Together at Last

Should Have Let Me

Sherlock is awake when we go back, fighting the nurses again.

"I shouldn't be here!"

His eyes catch mine, full of hatred. Mrs. Hudson receives a similar glare, I remind her that he is still high. He looks worse than he did last time he overdosed, though this time it is probably from the suicide attempt as well as the drugs. I walk over slowly, reaching into his pocket for the list. He did leave one, like always. I see there where a lot of pain meds, a few doses of sleeping pills as well. He wanted to make absolutely sure he would die.

"Why Sherlock?"

"He wanted you. And Mycroft. And everyone else. It was you guys or me. I chose to end the game, without me there is no game. No enjoyment for him."

"You where going to leave us you mean?"

"Yes."

Mrs. Hudson leaves suddenly, trying to tug me out of the room.

"Get away from him!"

Mycroft is here, followed closely by Greg.

"Why are you in here? Leave my brother alone!"

"Mycroft, stop it."

I am flung backwards suddenly, Mycroft standing over me. He slapped me, I deserve it. My cheek is on fire, I can feel a welt forming already.

"Mycroft! Don't hit him again!"

At the sound of Sherlocks voice, Mycroft calms and leaves me lying on the ground.

"Are you okay?"

Sherlock dosent say anything else to us for the rest of tonight. Silence hurts more than him yelling at us, more than him hitting anyone who gets too close. I curl up on a chair, wrapped in his coat in a feeble attempt to keep calm.

"Get up."

Mycroft shakes me awake roughly, Greg makes sure I am okay before backing off.

"He's asking for you."

I jump up, following a nurse back. Sherlock is still fuming, though his mood lightens a tad when he sees me.

"What do you need?"

"I cant sleep."

"I cant imagine why."

"What?"

I can tell he heard me, hurt flashing across his face for a few seconds.

"Nothing. What do you want me to do?"

"Come lie down with me."

"You need to go to sleep."

"Please John. I...I'm sorry. I was just trying to help."

"Help?"

"Yes. Now please come here."

He sits up, trying to roll off the bed.

"Lie down."

I sit on the edge of his bed, letting him lie his head in my lap. He is shaking, sweat gleaming on his forehead.

"Its starting already."

"Why did you take so much?"

"I didnt take enough. They said it is your fault I'm in here though, so maybe I did do it well enough. You got in my way again."

I make a move to stand, sitting back when he grabs my arm.

"Why? Why did you pull me out? Why am I still alive?"

"You are my life, my everything. And you tried to leave me again, I couldnt let you go. You asked, begged me to let you die."

"So I was right."

"What about?"

"You stopped me for you."

"Dont make it sound like that! Your brother is pissed at me because you did this, and everyone else is pissed that I couldnt make it to you before you started."

"I WANTED TO FUCKING GO JOHN! WHY COULDNT YOU LET ME DO THIS?"

"Because I love you! I fucking love you and you said you would be here for me. You said you wouldn't leave. You promised me you wouldnt try it again. Any of it. You said no more drugs, no more cutting, and that you wouldnt kill yourself. Especially not for me!"

"Shut up! Go away if you are going to yell at me about this! You fucking ruined it."

He dosent let go of my hand though, instead his grip gets tighter. I stay, dropping the subject. A nurse walks in a while later, telling me to sit further back on the bed if I intend to stay with him. Sherlock lies back down, snuggling against me as I run my fingers through his hair. He falls into an uneasy sleep, still nestled against me.

"Get out."

Mycroft is back, barely looking at me when he walks through the door. I gently work my way out from under Sherlock, lying his head back against the pillow. He wakes quickly, grip tight around my wrist.

"No!"

"Let go of him Sherlock. He is leaving and you and I are going to talk about your latest, endeavor."

Sherlock slowly lets me go, eyes begging me to stay. Mycroft shoves me out, slamming the door in my face.