Closet Case

Let's Fix This

He pulls away and I see tears rolling down his face and I say

"Hey why are you crying?"

"I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that. I should've had more trust in you. I'm sorry."

I pull him in for another hug and say "Hey it's okay Dusty you've been through a lot and it's going to take time. You'll get there."

He nods then we sit down and eat KFC. We talk and laugh until it starts to rain. We gather everything up and run back to the car. When we get in I pull him in for a kiss before getting interrupted by Dusty's phone going off.

"Dust can you and James come over quick I waited a couple days but he's getting worse please come?"

He texts his dad and he says yes then texts Jason to tell him we are coming. We speed over and run up to the door. I knock and Jason's mom opens it and rushes us in. Jason hands us clean clothes since we are wet and fills us in.

"We were hanging out in the basement when he started dosing off during a movie. When it was over since we were on the uncomfortable couch I tried to wake him up. He freaked and ran into the corner. He hasn't moved, he won't talk to no one and I can't lose him. God if I lose him I would die."

Surprise bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matt's POV

I was in the basement in the corner. It's been 2 days since Jason woke me up and I flipped out on him. I calmed down that night I'm just too ashamed to go up and talk to him. His mom and dad have tried to come down here and help but I feel like a burden so I shut them out.

I was listening to everyone talking in the kitchen through the vents and heard Jason say 

"God if I lose him I would die."

Everything's my fault damn if I wasn't such a screw up maybe none of this would happen.

"Jay look at me. Good. Calm down. Breathe. Let me talk to him he will respond to me I am the only person closest to long time family he has. Nothing against you but he needs you as a lover not a brother."

Next thing I know James is down here with me. "Matt what's wrong?"

"Me i'm whats wrong if I wasn't such a screw up none of this would have happened and I wouldn't be a burden to Jay and his family. I wouldn't have to be ashamed of looking at Jason."

"Matt Jay loves you and it's okay to be ashamed but you can't shut him out he wants to help."

"Who are you to tell me what I can't do?"

"Matt look at me."

I look up and he is right in front of me and he grabs my face.

"I know I have no clue what you're going through but if you want to get better and not feel a burden or ashamed you need to let someone in and tell them what you feel. No matter if it's me or Jay, His parents, or hell even Dusty you need to talk to someone." he says

I know he's right but he doesn't understand.

"You don't understand it's not like I can just say what's on my mind."

"You can't or won't Matt? Bro I love you but I can't even try to understand if I don't see it from your perspective. I don't know what you're thinking."

"What do you want me to say huh? How ashamed I felt tat I could let that sick bastard do those things to me? How ashamed I feel about how he put his hands all over my body? How I was too weak and pathetic to stop him? How much of a coward I am for not telling anyone sooner? You don't think I know how much of a burden I am to Jay's family? You don't know how many times I prayed he would kill me so I didn't have to feel the disgusting and agonizing pain of that night. You don't know what it's like having to walk into your own home and be afraid? I wanted to die James. I was ready to grab his gun and kill myself. The shame, the guilt, the pain, the embarrassment. Jay's family was fine without me and will be better when I"m dead."

"What do you mean when?"  "Matt"  I shake my head and grab my knife from my belt. James yells "Put your knife away."

Jay and his family  and friends run down. Jay grabs a knife off the work bench and holds it to his wrist like I am.

"Put the knife down Jay."

"No every cut you have I have, every pill you take I take, every harm on you is on me."

"You cut I cut, you shoot I shoot."

His parents gasp and the mom looks like she's about to cry. I say

"On three we drop the knives." He nods

"1,2,3" and we both drop them. He runs over and hugs me and his friends join then his parents and somewhere in the mix Dusty's parents came in and joined.

I just cry into Jay's shoulder. Their parents pull away and step to the side. Dusty's dad says

"This is all hard on all of us. It's going to take time to heal but we will do it together as a family. We just have to communicate. Matt I know none of us know what it was like but we want to try. For you. Just like we can help Dusty with not being afraid to get close to people and James comfortable with his sexuality Luke Kota whatever y'alls problems are we will do it together. But it's like two o'clock in the morning so lets hit the hay."

After he finishes a emergency alert goes off on all of our phones. 

"Well we are all staying here if that's okay?"

Jay's parents nod their heads and say "But we should get blankets and stuff and fast."

We all split up and get supplies I go with Jay to get water.

We all meet back in the basement and separate the supplies. A huge clap of thunder echoes and I jump. Jay hugs me and then we get back to fixing up the basement.