A/N: Low key MY FAVORITE piece of my writing ever.
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Your POV
I walk around the corner of Teague Street, an unsettling feeling of loneliness setting in. There were two options for me now: I could go to the quarry or the diner for my first date. Not feeling social, I decide to text Austin (the guy who asked me out) that I'm not feeling well. I jump over stones and make my way towards the rushing water.
"Do my eyes deceive me or is that Y/N Y/L/N?!" someone shouts from down the stream. I turn and see Henry, Vic, Belch and Patrick sitting around a small bonfire. Patrick waves me over, the other boys too drunk to acknowledge me or move.
"Hey," I greet once I reach earshot. "Geez, your friends are fucked up," I laugh, looking around at the other boys who are mumbling incoherently.
"Yeah, what a bunch of lightweights," Patrick smiles before reaching into his bag and grabbing another beer, "you want?"
"Do you even have to ask?" I take the beer from him and pop the cap off. He watches in awe as I start to chug it. The past year, Patrick and I had become good friends; talking about how much we hated school and wanted to leave this awful town. Sometimes we'd make out, just to 'see how it felt,' as he described it. Recently I'd been keeping my distance due to some unprecedented romantic feelings. I never meant to fall for him, but he made me feel whole.
"So what brings you hear at," he begins, grabbing my wrist to look at my watch, "11pm?"
My heart jumps at the sudden contact and I shrug nervously. "I actually had a date tonight but I wasn't in the mood". Patrick looks up at me from where he's sitting and scoffs.
"Sit," he commands, tilting his head towards the space next to him. I was wearing high waisted jeans, so sitting on that uneven surface would be cutting my upper body in half. Nonetheless, I lower myself next to Patrick, my knees slightly touching his. "You probably wouldn't have enjoyed yourself anyway," he finally says, smiling at me sideways. Patrick shifts himself over so that my back is slightly leaning against his chest, laughing quietly at my flustered face. "What's up with you?"
"What do you mean?..." I trail off, my cheeks burning from our contact. Patrick, still smiling, reaches an arm over my legs, pulling my knees against him playfully.
"You think I can't tell when you avoid me?" he lets go of my legs, leaning back and staring at his makeshift bonfire.
"I'm gonna ask you something. I want you to answer it truthfully". He shrugs, telling me to go on. "Do you think you could ever fall in love with someone without meaning to?"
Patrick starts laughing, tears coming to his eyes, a reaction I did not expect. "You're kidding, right?" his laughing slows as he takes in my unamused face. "Y/N, real love just doesn't exist". It hurt to hear those words tossed around. Love was what kept me going. It gave me hope. When I don't say anything he stares into the fire again with an unconvinced look on his face, "you should be glad to learn that lesson earlier than later".
In an attempt to not angry-cry, it's my turn to scoff, "that's bullshit. Only people scared of love say that". Patrick turns to stare at me, looking unpleased with my response.
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"It's not 'bullshit'. You can think you love someone but that doesn't make it real. Love isn't real". I turn away. How was I going to confess my love to someone who didn't believe in it now? "Why are you asking about his stuff anyway?"
"Nevermind," I get up and take my beer, Patrick shifting at the sudden loss of my body next to his. "I gotta go," I turn to leave and I hear the chain on Patrick's jeans moving as he stands up.
"I'm sorry if I upset you. Please stay," he holds his arms out as though in surrender. I look around in the dark, wishing I was anywhere but here and loved anyone but him.
"I love you," I blurt out. He loses his balance on a rock, as though my words had struck a blow to him.
"Me?" he licks his lips out of habit- he only ever did that when he was nervous or feeling predatory. Maybe I should run.
"No, I mean Bowers," I joke, looking at Henry who is sleeping peacefully in Vic's arms. I could already imagine how he'd react when he woke up. "I'm kidding. Yeah, you. I love you". Patrick walks towards me slowly.
"I-I don't know what you want me to say". The words shattered me. I guess I didn't really know what I wanted him to say either, but the rejection was too crushing. I turn and walk into the stream, not caring that my converse were now completely submerged in the cool water. "Hey, I didn't say I feel nothing!" he starts up again. I look at him again and almost gasp... Patrick Hockstetter was showing emotion. Patrick maintains eye contact with me as he saunters closer. Even as he steps into the water, his eyes never leave mine, his leather shoes turning black upon submersion.
"You're gonna ruin your shoes," I smile, my eyes growing hazy from the romantic spectacle.
"You're gonna ruin me," he responds, now standing just inches from my face. "Will you say it again?" he asks, a timid but genuine smile on his face.
"I love you," I repeat for him, swallowing nervously.
"I like the way it feels... hearing you say that," he whispers, his nose lightly touching mine. Patrick brings me back towards the fire, lifting me into his arms when we cross the water. We watch it burn and Patrick looks over at me, snaking his hand into mine, "I miss this. Holding your hand".
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"Me too".
I didn't know what we were then and I hadn't any more of a clue now. All I knew was that I loved Patrick Hockstetter more than anything in the world, and that he liked hearing me say that.
