Imagine Knowing Him (Ryden)

Chapter 24

Guys, here it is.

Brendon's POV:

During work, I couldn't think of anything else than Ryan. I nearly told him this morning... I mean, yea, I have to tonight, but I was honestly so relieved when he got the phone call this morning, that interrupted my confession. But it's on my mind the whole time. Jon also seems to recognize for he asks in our break "Bren, are you okay? You look very thoughtful today." Uh.. that's probably because I am. "I know, Jon. But you know I thought about our conversation yesterday and this morning I finally collected all my courage and wanted to tell him." I tell him, he looks confused. "Wanted to? So, you didn't again? I told you to do it as soon as possible."

"I know, Jon. I was about to but he received a phone call that stopped me and then he said he had an emergency meeting, so we didn't have time for that." I say being honestly sad. He sighs audibly, before he says "Oh, Brenny, you know I gotta be honest with you. You should have done it a long time ago, but at least you're making attempts now. So, I cannot be too mad at you. But, for real, tonight, you gotta tell him. Just imagine, someone else tells him, then you totally gonna be the bad guy." Ahhh... for fuck's sake he is right.

-

After work I make my way back home. Yea, I started to call Ryan's apartment my home, because where ever he is, is my home. And I already have a lot of my stuff at his. When I arrive there, nobody's inside. I'm wondering if Ryan's meeting really is that long? I sit down on the couch and casually go through my phone. But then I recognize I'm kind of hungry, so I go to the kitchen to prepare a small dish, right as I hear the front door open.

"Hey, baby." I shout over to the living room, but I don't get an answer. Confused, I go over to the couch and see Ryan sitting in the same spot I sat before. "Are you okay, Ryan? What was the meeting about? Were you at it the whole time?" I bombard him with questions. He looks blankly at the turned off TV screen. What is going on? He slowly turns around to me, that's when I see his bloodshot eyes. He cried? "Ryan, what's wrong?" I rush over to him, sit down and attempt to put my arm around him, but he scoots away from me. "Ry?"

"Tell me, Brendon, is it true?" he asks me, tears filling his eyes again. "What are you talking about?" I ask him unknowingly. He smells like alcohol, is he drunk? "You know, some people made pictures of us yesterday. And someone kindly told me to look at them, especially the comments. There were really confusing ones. Some that said, you've known me for years, you've followed me for years, you were on all of our concerts and you were wanting to know me and get at me for years! And I'm asking you, right here and now, is that true, Brendon?" Motherfucking shit. How?! Why does he know, who told him? Fuck, why haven't I told him earlier? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Now I feel tears forming in the back of my eyes and my throat closes up. What am I supposed to say? I cannot lie anymore, I have to be honest with him now. "Y-yes." I say so quietly, I barely understand it, but Ryan does. He looks at me incredulously, out of his mind with sadness, utters a "Fuck you, Brendon Urie." and runs of to the bathroom to lock himself in.

I run after him to the bathroom. "Ryan let me in! Let me explain, please!" I knock on the door and beg for him to open up. When I don't receive an answer I just start talking.

"Ryan, please, it's different from what you think! Yea, I might have known you before, but you said, you wanted someone that likes you for you. Who says I cannot do this? I don't love you for your fame or your money and you know that. Yes, it is true, I've been to a lot of your concerts and I have known you for a long time, but ever since you inspired me. I have reasons to love you and how couldn't I. You're the most special person, I've ever met. I was mesmerized by you the first time I saw a picture of you. Your songs, especially the lyrics helped me through a lot, I had to struggle with. No wonder, I was infatuated by such an incredible human being." I tell him through the closed door. I wait for a couple of seconds in which he doesn't say anything. I just hear his faint sobs through the wood of the door. So, I just go on with my chaotic apology.

"Ryan, come on, open the door! Please! These past six months meant everything for me. I might have went into this relationship biased, but honestly I learned so much more about you, I didn't know before. And literally every single new thing, just made me like you more and more. Your smile when I make a joke, the embarrassed look on the floor whenever I smile at you, that constant blush that you can't control when I compliment you. Even your flaws are cute to me. I knew I liked you before and you were important to me before I even knew you, but with knowing you better now, I started loving you! I never loved anyone as much as I love you! I don't wanna be without you! Please, let me see your beautiful face and wipe away that tears of yours." I know I'm the one who caused the tears, so I even more feel the need to be the one who wipes them away. I have to fix that! Under all costs.

I give him some more seconds to hopefully decide to come out of the locked bathroom and gladly I hear faint shuffling and the door springs open. I rush in, he just stands in the middle of the room, head down, still crying. I want to hug him so badly, but he puts his hands in front of himself as a sign for me to stop. I sadly obey, he probably needs time. "Ryan, I-" I start, but get quickly interrupted. "Stop, Brendon, that is enough! You hurt me. You hurt me badly, you knew from the start, what I was looking for. But you lied to me. For six months! In six months, how many chances did you have to correct your wrongs. You should have played with open cards, but you didn't. No, you decided to hide the most important thing for me, for so long. You should have told me right from the beginning. And what do you think I'm doing now? Just forgive and forget? Well, as my boyfriend, you should know, that I'm not that easy. You know what happened with Dan. And you still decided to hide this from me?! I had to find out without you telling me. How in the name of the lord could you do this to me?!" he yells at me. No, this is all going the wrong way, please, it cannot end like this.

"Ryan, listen, I know I did wrong and I'm unbelievably sorry. But you hid from me too, who you were." I don't see it coming, but in the next moment I feel a hard hand hit my face. My hand immediately covers the spot where Ryan just slapped me. He slapped me! I look at him shocked and he looks with the same shocked expression back to me. But then his expression hardens. "Leave me alone." He says sternly. "Go away!" I look at him hurt. "Ry.." I try again. "No, Brendon. Just fucking leave me alone. I cannot bare to see your face. And guess what I don't wanna see you ever again." He might look angered, but I see the hurt and brokenness behind his façade. "Ryan, you cannot mean this." "Yes, I do! Now what the hell are you waiting for?" He goes to the front door and opens it furiously for me. "And never ever come back!" In the exact moment I step out of the door he slams it shut, I turn around and look blankly at the closed door, before I collapse onto the floor, sobbing my heart out.

What have I done?

Wow... Hopefully he can fix this...