A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words (5SOS fanfic)

Chapter 17

*Ashton’s POV* 

Erin’s lips touched mine and I swear my heart stopped. 

“I thought I heard voices- shit!” Erin and I hastily pulled away to find a shocked Kelly standing in the doorway of their dorm. “I’m sorry. I’m just gonna go back in here and-” 

“Kelly it’s fine,” Erin assured her. 

“Really? Because you two seemed like you were having a moment there,” she smirked at Erin and I. 

“No just a friendly peck on the lips. You know like family members and close friends do. You know what I mean right?” I motioned to Kelly who just folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at me, leaning against the doorframe. Fucking hell Ashton you didn’t even convince yourself of that, just stop trying. 

“Well goodnight Ashton,” Erin said, hurrying Kelly into the room and shutting the door. 

“Night Erin,” I uttered to the closed door. 

The crowd in my head went ‘awww’ as I walked away. Sounds stupid but this really is one of those moments. Why did I do that? Why didn’t I just tell Kelly to go back into the room so I could kiss her properly?! Oh wait I know the reason - I’m a fucking coward. 

Erin... Erin’s something really special to me. But I don’t know what to make of our relationship. Sometimes she treats me as if I’m actually her boyfriend, other moments it seems like she thinks of me as her older brother. I’m getting all these mixed signals and it’s killing me because the more mixed her signals get, the worse I get at trying to understand my feelings for her. 

I think it’s obvious that I do have feelings for her, the ‘almost-kiss’ demonstrated that. I just struggle with knowing where things might lead with Erin. I don’t know for sure if she likes me back, I don’t know if she even looks at me in that way. But then moments like what just happened occur and I have tingles run through me because for a second I think, ‘she likes me back! She likes me back!!’ 

Fucking hell Ashton screw your head on straight. You may have just ruined your entire friendship with this girl because you may or may not have feelings for her. Fuck... welcome to my twisted and confusing love life. There are millions of fans out there who probably like me, but as easy as they would be to pick up... they’re not Erin Paterson. And for that reason I don’t want them. I want the girl whose had my style rub off onto her, who has the cutest laugh in the world, who loves photography, who’s a waitress, who loves life, and is not only beautiful, but she is so humble and modest that she won’t let herself believe it, no matter how many times I tell her. 

See how whipped I sound? What have these girls done to us boys? Kelly’s got Calum wrapped around her finger, the two of them smitten for each other, and now Erin has me rambling in my head about her about how bloody amazing she is. 

“Hey Ashton how’s it going?” Calum ran up behind me. 

“I’m ok,” I subtly replied. 

“I was in Kelly’s room when you and Erin were outside Ash. How are you really?” 

“I don’t know Calum,” I stopped and turned to him. 

“Mate you’re tearing up,” he pointed out. 

“Cal she means so much to me. I’d go through hell and back to make her happy... and I think I may have just ruined my entire relationship with her,” I wiped a tear off my cheek. He gave me a hug and I couldn’t help but let a few tears fall. “I can’t lose her Calum, not as my friend, not as anything.” 

“Who said you’re gonna lose her Ashton?” 

“I don’t know how to act around her now! What do I do? I just brushed off an attempted kiss as a friendly peck. I don’t know if I can just be normal with her again now.”