Garrance Oneshots

Crack? YES

Laurance: Relate me to a character.

Garroth: Te fiti.

Laurance: Why?

Garroth: You rage for what seems like thousands of years, and immediately take a nap when you're done.

Laurance: True that.

~~~~

Laurance: *sitting in the back of Kiki's barn at the baby shower*

Garroth: Do you ever look at Laurance and think, "Damn, what a cute ass Shadow Knight"?

Aphmau: Um....

Garroth: And then think, "I bet he's thinking about killing everyone in this room right now".

Aphmau: Why would he do that!?

Garroth: Because when we all die he wants to go with us. He doesn't wanna be immortal like other Shadow Knights.

Aphmau: .......

Garroth: I did say he's thinking about killing everyone in this room, didn't I?

Laurance: *dead look in his eyes*

~~~~

*Garroth and Laurance are stranded*

Garroth: Crap, I can't get a signal!

Laurance: You calling for help?

Garroth: What? No, I'm trying to pick a Snapchat filter.

~~~~

Garroth: How British people shower--

Garroth: The same as you, idiot.

Garroth: We get under the water and get our soaps.

Garroth: Then we get the teabags--

Laurance: Has anyone seen my teabags?

~~~~

Laurance: How suicidal people shower--

Laurance: The same as you, dumbass.

Laurance: First, we stand under the water for twenty minutes straight.

Laurance: Then we grab our razors--

Garroth: *breaks down bathroom door*

(I swear I take around 1-2 hours in the shower, when my family says you're supposed to take fifteen-thirty minutes??)

~~~~

Garroth: Why the house always a mess if you here all day?

Laurance: Why we so poor if your fannily is rich as fuck?

~~~~

Laurance: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Garroth: To get to the other side!

Laurance: No.

Garroth: Huh?

Laurance: *red eyes, with shadows over his face and the purest but creepiest smile ever*

Laurance: So he would get run over.

~~~~

Garroth: You look good today Laurance!

Laurance: ......

Laurance: *squints eyes*

Garroth: Laur? You okay?

Laurance: Why are you being nice?

~~~~

Garroth: You need to stay 68 feet away from me at all times, cause if you don't then I'd go crazy.

Laurance: Can you make it 69.

Garroth: *dirty mind* ...... For you, my love.

Laurance: Thanks.

Garroth: Why did you ask me to add another foot?

Laurance: Watch.

*Laurance then falls into the Nether*

Garroth: LAURANCE!!!!!!!!!!

Zane: *sipping Laurance's tea* You know something ain't right when he says something like that with a straight face.

~~~~

Laurance: Look what you've done to my sister!

Aphmau: She's a murderer!

Garroth: By Irene, she's right! Cadenza was a murderer all along!

Laurance: *dramatically leans against Garroth* I may not know everything about my sister...

Laurance: But I know a BITCH when I see one.

~~~~

Laurance: *standing by the washing machine*

Garroth: Oh, are you doing the laundry?

Laurance: *lifts Tide Pods to his mouth*

Garroth: LaurANCE NO--

~~~~

Aphmau: ...... What is Laurance doing?

Laurance: *W posing*

Garroth: He's asserting his dominance over the rebellion.

~~~~

Zane: I told you to get with something cute.

Garroth: *about to say something*

Laurance: I got this.

Both: ...???

Laurance: *gives Zane the middle finger*

~~~~

Garroth & Laurance: At least we have the courage to try!

Garroth: And if you think we don't--

Laurance: *void Shadow Knight eyes* I'lL sTaB yOu In ThE eYe.

Garroth: Laurance no--

~~~~

Garroth: I'm straighter than a line!

Laurance: *exists*

Garroth: ExCuSe Me ThE fUcK hApPeNeD tO mY sExUaLiTy--

~~~~

Laurance: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard--

Garroth: *throws the milkshake out the window*

Laurance: *crosses arms*

Garroth: Baby I love you, that's why other people can't look at you.

~~~~

Laurance: OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!!