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32. passports

32.

I'm staring at the computer screen as if I've just signed my life away. I mean— I didn't. I don't think I did. My father says I did. Isn't it harmless?

I'm traveling to the country my ancestors are from. Except— instead of going for leisure, I'm going to talk to my boyfriend's company about our relationship.

Am I sure about this decision?

I'm overthinking it— but am I? I can't ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suppose it doesn't really matter now since I've already agreed. It was also the only way to stay in contact with Jungkook.

There is a silence in the room following my acceptance of the company's request. My parents have concentrated faces and seem zoned out in their own thoughts. I can tell my father is displeased, and I'm still confused as to why my mom would agree to this. I shouldn't question it.

To relieve us of our awkward silent misery, my email makes a notification noise. I instantly sit up and my parents' shoulders move slightly at the sound.

"I got another one," I say shakily.

I click on the new email, and fortunately for me it doesn't take a multilingual person to figure out that it is traveling information.

My eyes almost bulge out of my face when I see the date and time of my flight. Tomorrow at 5pm? Are they crazy?

I gasp in shock in what seems over-dramatically, but it is my actual reaction. When I glance up from the screen my parents are waiting impatiently for me to say something.

"My flight is tomorrow," I say, "at 5pm."

"Is there an event coming up?" My dad inquires.

"An event? Their comeback show. The whole week is promotions."

His expression is hard to read but he stays quiet. I squint my eyes at him in confusion before my mom's voice makes me look at her.

"Your passport is probably expired," she sighs.

Probably? It definitely is. I haven't been out of the country since I was very young, and my picture is probably a toddler version of me. Am I actually doing this?

Talking about passports and travel arrangements is making all of this way too real. Breathe, Jae, breathe.

My dad must see the expression on my face when he says, "Eun, you should go with her."

My eyes go wide, "No!"

"You're going to a foreign country by yourself." He adds.

Just imagining having my mom with me throughout the trip is enough to make me want to cancel the trip all together. I would have to constantly hear her input about everything. My mom isn't always the best person to have around during chaotic or nerve-wracking times. I have a feeling I will be nervous and uncomfortable the whole time while in Korea— but contrary to popular belief, my mother being with me will not make me feel better.

"No," she relieves me by saying, "Miyoung is there."

"You think she will answer your calls?" My dad scoffs with a pathetic laugh.

"They will have living accommodations for me, no?" I ask, referring to the company.

My dad seems as though he is completely fed up with this conversation. He leans his elbows onto the table with a hard stare at me.