Punctuation

"Molly" to "Mo"

Of the sea...

or bitter.

A popular breed of aquarium fish.

The name of many-a-neighbor's Golden Retriever.

A little piece of rebellion,

the so-called "wished-for child",

and the slang term for an addictive drug.

It's on dog tags and in tear-jerking movies about a man's best friend.

And written on the school's bathroom wall, among other profanity.

No, I have nothing against my name personally; my parents did well in naming their first-born.

I answer to it, I write it on all of my job applications as my true name.

It has meaning to my family in sentimental senses.

But that was me when I was minutes, three years, five years, ten years old.

The identity I lived in when solely answering to that name,

was an identity I wish to learn from and move beyond.

It was a skin I lived in when I was searching for answers and

trying to find myself.

It was a place in my life when I felt alone and unbearably claustrophobic all at once.

There are buildings and groups of people who will always consider me by my given name.

And then there are the people and places who consider me "Mo",

and it sounds off when my real name flows from their mouths. 

Almost like a step was missed, 

or a breath was left untaken. 

"Mo",

This is the person I have become with very little help from outsiders, 

the person I have made a family for with just my bare hands and naked heart.

I'm not necessarily a different person, 

that is furthest from the case.

"Molly" was the beginning of my journey,

and the reason why I ended up here.

The reason for so many positive influences in my life. 

I respect her and the name,

I still cherish those people who are the vivid parts of her.

I don't remember who or what took those other three letters away,

but it is amazing how much lighter I feel at three-letters-less.

They were heavy letters; letters I'm beyond willing to add back on...

but without them, my wings can spread wide enough for me to fly.

I can taste and feel the sweet happiness of freedom. 

I don't feel like I am crushed beneath the heavy breastplate of a name. 

Or like I have someone or something to live up to. 

I can take my time, experience the ebb and flow of mistakes and mending. 

I have made a family with this 'new' identity.

A family that means more than blood relation.

A family that means "we chose each other".

or "we stuck together through all we were pitted against".

A family who chose me for all I am and the weight I carry.

A family who does not hold on to me out of necessity or last name or because of a duration of time.

I am a clean identity, with memories and love already woven in by those blood relations.

There are pieces of me that are still "Molly"; pieces that I will never relinquish,

pieces that I would certainly be lost without.

But I created "Mo",

I gave her a name,

I gave her a personality 

and the abstract opportunity for a family. 

I was the one who made her possible.

I did that all on my own.