Punctuation

BreadCrumbs

I am numb. 

But with a demanding pain inside of my chest. 

There's a knocking against my ribcage. 

And television static playing in my head.

It's so deafening that it's silent. 

It's so painful that it's painless. 

The air around me is so heavy; I try to lift my arms above my head as we ride the descent of this roller coaster, 

but they won't budge. 

Apparently, I am heavier than this air I'm breathing in. 

Ironically weighed down by a hefty skull and a hollow heart.

What hurts the most is the emptiness of my heart. 

That's where the pain originates. 

Because

Yes, emptiness is weightier than being full. 

Yes, numbness hurts more than feeling everything. 

Because when you feel everything, that moment tells you that you are capable of feeling at all. 

I was so accustomed to feeling everything, 

And I went a long while feeling everything. 

Now to feel nothing, and feel it so suddenly, 

it's as if I have been dropping pieces of myself behind me as I walk forward in this life...

like breadcrumbs. 

I can easily retrace my steps back to that place where I felt everything.

Not just everything, but everything good. 

But for some reason, my feet won't work in that direction. 

So I am stuck moving forward, carrying this hole around inside of my chest and allowing for my television-static mind to buzz around between my ears in all of its overlapping thoughts. 

I am numb. 

And at a lack for direction.