Punctuation

for myself

you fell in love with her laugh, and not the laugh she had control over. it was her obnoxious, undisciplined laugh that captivated you. the laugh she laughed when she was so tickled, that she absolutely could not contain herself. 

you fell in love with her raw heart. the heart inside of her that burned so intensely for people who demonstrated care toward her trembling skeleton. the heart she wore upon her sleeve, so vulnerable for all to touch and all to see. she was weak and she was strong because of this combination. 

you fell in love with the way she would keep tying and untying her knotted and curly hair into a bun on top of her head. 

you fell in love with the sound of her voice after she had stayed silent for a long time, trying to find the right words to say or losing herself in another poem. 

you fell in love with how she truly loved to write and absolutely hated reading and how everyone always found that so insane. 

you fell in love with her taste in music. she was always a coin toss. never knew what she would blare out of her car speakers that day. she was unpredictable liking every genre in some sense or another. 

you fell in love with all of her singing voices. there were so many versions of her singing voices. one for the kitchen while she cooks dinner. two for the shower, depending on the song. one for the car when the music is so loud that you can do little to think. one for praising God. one for the jingles on the radio. one for when she's folding laundry or just walking around the house, getting things done. 

you fell in love with the way she still criss-crossed her legs like a pretzel whenever she wants to sit comfortably. you fell in love with the way she would pull her shirt up and over her mouth so no one could see her double chin whenever she's laying down or looking down. 

you fell in love with how much she hated cake and icing and ice cream and her vulnerability toward all doughnuts. 

you fell in love with how she corrects your grammar whenever she can--which is hardly ever.

you fell in love with her horrible memory except for when she needs to remember the things you love versus the things you hate. 

you fell in love with how she would sometimes slip into speaking Spanish as if she had been speaking it for her whole life. 

you fell in love with how she hates heights, but looks for an opportunity for a rush of adrenaline on a rollercoaster. 

you fell in love with all of her little quirks and the things she would do so specific to only her. 

like how she's absolutely convinced you that there's a difference between fall clouds and summer clouds--and that fall clouds are always more magnificent. 

like how she sets her alarm clock to go off at least three times every morning and how she always needs to be earlier than everyone else to whatever it is she needs to be on time for. 

like how she packs for vacation or wherever it is she is going weeks in advance so she can unpack and repack and leave nothing important behind. 

like how she hates when people look at her and take videos and pictures of her, but she finds it special when people keep these things of her in their phones. 

you fell in love with watching her grow.

you fell in love with the way she would highlight entire paragraphs of information because she couldn't ever decide what wasn't important enough to also be laid under yellow light. 

you fell in love with how she could create. and just as easily destroy. 

you fell in love with her obsession with dark coffee and her love-hate relationship with tea. 

you fell in love with her admiration for green life and (as she calls them) the "beans" of cat feet, her obsession with the color yellow and the monogamous relationships of most species of penguins.

you fell in love with how she would randomly lay on her stomach in the middle of her living room floor to pet the cats. 

you fell in love with her celebration of even the littlest of anniversaries. 

you fell in love with her strength on even what she considered her weakest days. 

you fell in love with her freckles and the way she bites her nails when she's bored or nervous or thinking. 

you fell in love with how she hates taking phone calls but would answer her phone on the drop of a dime for you, her friends, and her dad. 

you fell in love with her unique love for storms and watermelon and strawberries and popcorn of nearly any kind. 

you fell in love with the freckle sitting idly on her left thumb and the two sitting side-by-side on her right knee. 

you fell in love with the fact that you'll never know her favorite flavor of ice cream, the only flavor she'll willingly want to eat. 

you fell in love with just how much she could love. 

and then you fell in love with everything else about her. 

these are the things I wish for myself.

and the things I expect from the man in my life if I ever end up finding him.