The Story Of Our Lives.

11. Empty Shell.

* warning, this chapter contains contents that may be sensitive to some readers! *

The following weeks, Clarke tried to pretend everything was back to normal. She spent as much time as she could visiting her father. When she wasn't with him, she buried herself in work. Clarke saw less of her friends and more of the hospital corridors. She spoke to Octavia, mostly over the phone, but she stopped hosting their pizza and movie nights and found herself interacting with her friends less and less.

The truth was, Clarke was still numb. She was ashamed of what she had done to Bellamy and even to Finn. Neither of them deserved it. She had ruined her friendship with Bellamy as well as their relationship. And so Clarke isolated herself. She felt like an empty shell just wandering through the busy hospital halls.

As she made her rounds, she entered the room of one of her favourite patients. Clarke knew the first rule of being a nurse, was never get attached, but she'd taken a liking to this particular patient.

"Good morning Mr Jenkins." Clarke smiled as she walked to his bedside.

"Ah Clarke, I wondered when I'd see you again. I thought you were supposed to be on vacation?" Mr Jenkins smiled.

"I got bored at home." Clarke responded as she prepared to take his vitals.

"Well your visits always brighten my day." Mr Jenkins said with a warm smile.

"I enjoy seeing you too." Clarke replied.

"So, how are things with that young man of yours?" Mr Jenkins asked.

"Oh, well not great actually. I kind of messed up." Clarke said sadly. Her heart ached thinking of Bellamy. She tried to avoid letting Bellamy into her thoughts.

"If there's one thing I learned from being married, it's that if you love someone enough, you always do what's best for them. No matter what that means for you, you do everything you can to do what's right." Mr Jenkins smiled.

"I'm not sure it's that simple." Clarke said.

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know anymore." Clarke sighed.

"You're a smart girl Clarke, you'll figure it out." Mr Jenkins said kindly, squeezing her hand.

Clarke nodded her head. "I have to go and finish my rounds, I'll see you later Mr Jenkins."

"I'll be here." The old man said cheerfully.

Later that night, Clarke sat alone in her apartment. She sat on her bedroom floor, her back against the bed. In the darkness, she let her tears fall. Never in her life had Clarke felt so alone. She hated what she had become. Her thoughts were disturbed by her phone ringing.

Clarke lifted the phone to see an unknown number calling. Clarke dried her eyes and cleared her throat.

"Hello?" Clarke said, forcing her voice to sound normal.

"Hello, is this Clarke Griffin?" A voice on the other end said.

"Yes, May I ask who's calling?" Clarke said.

"My name is Doctor Walton, I'm one of the doctors in charge of your father's care." Dr Walton said.

"Okay..." Clarke said, listening intently.

"I'm so sorry to inform you that your father passed away at seven thirty this evening. We tried to contact your mother but her phone seems to be switched off."

"What?" Clarke whispered. Her heart had stopped. She couldn't breathe. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"I'm very sorry Miss Griffin. Myself and the rest of the hospital staff send our condolences." Dr Walton said softly.

But Clarke didn't reply. She simply hung up. She let her phone fall to the floor. Her father was dead. Gone forever. Clarke raced to the bathroom and emptied the contents of her stomach in the toilet. Loud sobs racked her body as she cried out. Her phone rang again and this time she saw it was Roan. He must have heard the news. Clarke ignored the call.

Her mind was a haze of anger and grief. How dare her father leave her like that. Without even so much as a goodbye. Clarke stood up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She barely recognised the woman staring back at her. Her eyes were empty and hollow. Her cheeks sunk and her hair hung over her face. Clarke was well and truly broken.

With a cry of rage, Clarke slammed her fist into the mirror. Shards of glass erupted across the bathroom floor. Blood trickled down her arm as it oozed from the cuts on her hand. Clarke fell to the floor. She picked up a large piece of glass, twirling it in her hands. She just wanted to feel something. Anything. So she brought the sharp object up to her skin.

Clarke let out a cry of pain as the glass sliced into her flesh. Her shaking hand dropped the glass as she collapsed onto the cold tiles. She clutched onto her arm to stop the blood, but it was no use. It seeped through her fingers despite her best efforts to contain it.

She heard the apartment door open and knew that either Bellamy or Roan had come looking for her. Clarke had no doubt that Bellamy knew about her father by now and both he and Roan would worry about Clarke. Not that she deserved it.

Clarke heard her name being called from the bedroom and fought to stay conscious. It was becoming harder and harder to stay awake.

The bathroom door flew open and sure enough, Bellamy came into view.

"Clarke!" Bellamy dropped to her side. He pulled her into his arms. "Roan! Roan come here now!"

"I'm sorry." Clarke whispered as tears fell from her eyes.

"Shh, just stay with me princess." Bellamy said desperately as Roan crashed into the room.

"Clarke what the fuck did you do!" Roan yelled.

"Just call an ambulance!" Bellamy yelled at him.

Clarke looked up to her brother. She saw the panic in his eyes and felt overwhelmed with guilt. She'd been so focused on ending her numbing pain that she didn't think about how her family would feel.

"I love you big brother." Clarke said hoarsely. Her voice was failing her. She was too weak.

"I love you too, but you're gonna be fine. Just focus on Bellamy, I'm gonna get some help." Roan said before he raced out the small bathroom, leaving Clarke and Bellamy alone.

Clarke looked up at Bellamy.

"Why Clarke, why?" Bellamy said, looking around at the glass that surrounded them.

"I'm sorry." Clarke whimpered. "You deserve better than me."

"Shut up. You're going to be fine and then I'm gonna tell you what an idiot you are for ever thinking that." Bellamy tried to smile through his tears.

"You shouldn't have come." Clarke whispered. Her eyes were getting heavy. She could feel herself slipping.

"If I hadn't then you'd be dead. And I'm not gonna let that happen."

That was the last thing Clarke heard before everything went black.