The Story Of Our Lives.

12. You broke my heart.

Clarke awoke to a bright light. Her eyes fluttered open but quickly clamped shut again at the intensity of the light. Her head was pounding. She could hear the beeping of monitors beside her and wondered where she was. She tried to move her arms but a sharp pain in her left arm prevented her from lifting it any higher. Clarke then remembered what she had done. That would mean she was in a hospital.

She tried again to open her eyes, letting them adjust to the light. Finally she regained focus. Seconds later, a face appeared in front of her.

"Oh Clarke!" Abby sobbed. "I'm so glad you're awake."

"Mom?" Clarke's voice was hoarse.

"I'm here baby. I'm here." Abby smiled. "So is your brother."

Clarke looked to her right to see her brother smiling down at her.

"Hey." Clarke whispered.

"Hey there. How do you feel?" Roan asked.

"Like shit." Clarke replied.

"You look like shit." Roan snorted.

"How long was I out?" Clarke asked.

"About three days. Talk about oversleeping" Roan smirked.

Abby rolled her eyes. "I'll just go and tell someone that you're awake. You've got a lot of visitors waiting outside."

Clarke nodded her head and Abby left the room. Roan pulled up a chair closer to her bedside and sat down.

"I suppose you're going to yell at me for being stupid?" Clarke said.

"Eventually. I'll at least wait until you get home." Roan smiled.

"I am sorry." Clarke said seriously.

"Why did you do it Clarke?" Roan asked. "Why would you try to end your own life?"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking straight." Clarke closed her eyes.

"Well don't do it again. You had me worried." Roan said.

"How's Bellamy?" Clarke asked, opening her eyes again.

"He's a mess. He's worried sick about you." Roan said, moving forward.

"I want to see him. I need to apologise." Clarke whispered.

"I'll go get him." Roan nodded.

Clarke nodded and closed her eyes again. She heard Roan leave the room. A few minutes later she heard the door open and close again.

"You wanted to see me?"

Clarke opened her eyes again. Roan was right, Bellamy was a mess. He sat down in the seat that Roan was in.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Clarke said quietly. "What I did to you wasn't fair. I shouldn't have lied to you like that. I know what I did was wrong."

"I don't care about that Clarke. What I want to know is why you tried to kill your self?" Bellamy said urgently.

Clarke remained silent for a minute. The more she thought about it, the more she realised just why she had done it. A tear slid down her cheek.

"You broke my heart." Clarke whispered. "What I did was unforgivable and just wrong. But I gave you everything. I was in love with you. I may not have broken things off with Finn, but I was prepared to. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you. But you pushed me away before I could explain and you slept with your ex girlfriend."

More tears slid down Clarke's cheeks as she looked at Bellamy. He too had tears in his eyes.

"So you tried to kill your self because of me?" Bellamy said softly.

"No. I was numb. I lost my father, I lost my best friend, I ruined the best thing that happened to me, I just wanted to feel something. I didn't plan on killing myself." Clarke shook her head.

"You cut your wrist Clarke. What did you think was going to happen?" Bellamy asked sharply.

"I don't know. I didn't think that far ahead. I didn't care." Clarke shrugged.

"You didn't care?" Bellamy repeated. "What about your Mom? Your brother? What about your friends? What about me?"

"You don't need me. I meant what I said Bellamy. You deserve better than me."

"What gave you that idea?" Bellamy asked, perplexed.

"Something that someone said to me made me realise it." Clarke answered.

"I don't understand." Bellamy shook his head.

Clarke released a deep breath. "A friend told me that if you love someone enough, you do what's best for them. And it made me realise that what's best for you, isn't me."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because I'm too damaged Bellamy. I'm broken and I just mess things up. You deserve someone who will give you the world and more. I can't do that." Clarke looked down at her hands.

"Look. I made a mistake. I never should have gone back to Gina. I know me saying I'm sorry doesn't mean anything. I can't change what I did. But I regret it. Every single day, I wish I never did it. I was so angry at you that I didn't think. I just acted out of anger. But I don't want anyone else. It's always been you Clarke." Bellamy said softly.

"You don't have to explain Bellamy. It was my fault." Clarke interrupted him.

"I do need to explain. Gina means nothing to me. If I could go back and change what I did, I would. I never meant to hurt you Clarke. And I'm so so sorry that I did this to you." Bellamy gripped her hand. "I don't expect you to forgive me. But I just need you to know how sorry I am."

"You're forgiven." Clarke whispered. "I forgive you Bellamy."

Bellamy kissed the back of her hand, holding it against his lips.

"I just hope one day you'll forgive me." Clarke said.

"Of course I forgive you. Just promise me you won't do anything like this again." Bellamy smiled.

"I promise." Clarke smiled weakly.

"You scared the shit out of me Clarke." Bellamy mumbled into her skin.

"I'm sorry." Clarke whispered again.

"It's okay." Bellamy stood up and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

The door opened again and Abby returned with a nurse.

"Glad to see you awake Clarke." The doctor smiled. Since Clarke worked in the hospital, she knew her doctor.

"Thanks Tony." Clarke smiled.

"How are you feeling?" Tony asked.

"Better." Clarke nodded. She felt Bellamy squeeze her hand.

"Good. I'm going to do the routine checks and then we'll see about getting you something to eat." Tony smiled as he looked down at her chart.

Clarke was pleased that Tony was acting normally around her. She hated being pitied and babied. Although she was certain everyone one was going to treat her differently once she got home. She'd made an attempt on her life, people were bound to walk on eggshells around her.

Suddenly Clarke wasn't so eager to get home.