They. Say to live your day as if it was you last ... but what if that day never came. YES we all have to die one day but they also say you can prevent it... by not smoking or going for a run every once in a while but how long can you brush it off un...
"Is your mom in?"I lay in my bed staring into space as awaited for the sound of Elisha's voice but there was no reply , i julted out of my cream coloured bed sheets. A sudden panic hit me as I frantically speed walked down my way over to my door. "Who are you?" I stopped myself just before I grabbed my door handle as I heard her voice coming from downstairs. I stepped back and sat on my bed... why was I so worried... "my name is Luke, I'm a good friend of your mommy's" I placed my hand through my gingery long locks and grabbed a pair of socks out of my draw "Have you kissed?" I heard a faint laugh as I headed my way down the stairs, "Elisha that's enough questions" he made his way inside as Elisha ran over to me in her pink pyjamas. "Mommy!" She jumped up in my arms and I watched as Luke smirked from across the room. "My mom baked some cookies for you two and Daryl of course" he placed a pastel blue tub on the side of the marbled counter as I placed Elisha back down. "Can I?" She locked up towards me with her hands together, pleading me to let her have one. "Go and brush your teeth first" her smile had gotten bigger and only then did I notice that her teeth had fully grown in now... she was growing up. She ran up the stairs faster then ugh she would have and I couldn't help but smile.
"You seem to have gotten back into it?" I walked a tiny bit closer to him as he went to rap his arms around me, his arms felt so warm around my waist and for a moment I didn't want to let go. "Not really" he lifted my chin up and gave me a soft kiss on my lips before lowering him arms back down to my sides. "There's going to be a party tonight, celebrating all your friends showing up" I didn't want to go just yet, I had spent the past two days with just me and Elisha... i hadn't even really spoke to carl since that night at his house but I had to sooner or later, and Elisha needed to start school soon. It was a rule and all. "Fine but only if you can can try makin conversation with my uncle" the smile on his face faded away as he slowly pulled away from the hug "your uncle doesn't like me... I tried to speak to him the other day and he flagged me off as if I wasn't there" my uncle was a wired but loveable man, he was just hard to understand "he does, he told me himself... he just doesn't want to le his guard down now that he's here... he's weird but I love him for it" I gave him a small smile before I heard Elisha's feet patter on the floor, making her way over to the kitchen.
"Cookie please" she placed her two hands out for the cookie, Luke happily did the honours before making her way back up the stairs to what I can image was her room. "6pm... don't be late" he gave me a kiss on the check before making his way out the house...i looked over at the clock and back out the open door...I guess I've got to get ready soon. It was 4pm and I didn't want to be late but there was one problem... I didn't want to, well I wanted to but I couldn't. You see it was much more then laziness and boredom anymore. Everything seemed to be off. I hate getting out of bed in the morning, I really can't gat out of bed in general... I have no appetite and literally felt nothing but tiredness since about three months before getting here... but all I could think off was my mom.
My mom suffered from post-mortem depression which later became bipolar disorder. No one ever told me she had them, she didn't even tell me herself. When I was out on my own it kind of just linked up... like how she had to take lithium and would spend days in bed, which would happen at least three times a week, like how some days she would be up at 6 in the morning baking cakes and cookies for everyone and then others she wouldn't wake up till 3 in the afternoon. There was a lot more things going wrong that only now make sense but what if she passed it down to me? Maybe I was just next on the family tree to be bipolar disorder. I know for a fact that post-mortem depression has been passed down... as soon as Elisha was born i would spend everyday with her and felt like it was a chore every time she cried. I just don't wanna have this thing that could stop me from being me, plus I wouldn't be the same person I was before, I just didn't want Daryl and everyone coming back to see me not being me. (I know bipolar and depression don't just appear like that but just go with me for a moment) they never saw me when I was bad... I wish they did... maybe they could have helped me.
I walked over to my hazel brown door and slowly shut it. What was I going to wear? I made my way upstairs and made my way into Elisha's room. "I'm going to have a shower, wait in here for me okay?" She nodded her head and her little brown pigtails bopped about on top of her head. She soon focused back on her crayons and pad of paper and I just left her too it.
6pm
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I'm going to look stupid. It's 100 degrees outside and I'm wearing long sleeves... I don't know what's got into me again... I picked up the wipes off of the side and wiped away the dried up blood on my arm... i relapsed, what else is there to say. I don't know why I started doing it again, I did it a while ago but even when it got bad last time I didn't grab the blade as my official response. "Mommy what's that?" I quickly pulled my sleeve down and threw away the wipe "err nothing baby girl" the last thing I wanted was her to see me do anything like this or even be sad for that matter. "Do you need a plaster?" She walked over to me and sat on the end of the bed as I slipped on my shoes. "No, it's okay... can you make me a promise though" she nodded her head and placed her pinky out for me to cross mine with "you can't tell anybody about this okay... I don't want everyone knowing how clumsy I am in the kitchen" she nodded her head and I kissed her on her tiny forehead as we began to make our way over to the party... I hope she didn't cross anything.
