Tinamad ako kahapon kaya walang ud, and I had fever. So, sorry. Ciao! God bless and keep safe, everyone.
Phase 18
"Are we cool now, mm?" Elos was playing with my fingers while looking at my face.
Nakaharap siya sa akin habang nakaupo kaming magkatabi sa sofa sa aming living area, I didn't try to invite him upstairs to see my dad's paintings. Ayaw kong matukso na naman ni mommy, ang masama pa ay baka sa mismong harapan ni Elos.
"Tayo parin naman—"
"Of course, Met. I won't let you break up with me, tayo parin. Kahit maayos tayo o hindi, akin ka parin." he said and sighed. "What I want to know now is how cool are we? Can we go back to our old relationship? Can I get my ADC back, completely?"
Huminga ako ng malalim, my heart wrenched rigidly that I needed to get my eyes off him.
"C-Can we have a private relationship, Elos? Can we have it? Hindi ko alam pero nahihirapan ako na naririnig parati ang relasyon natin sa ibang tao. Tayo lagi ang pinag-uusapan, sa room namin, ang mga kaklase ko ay nakakabingi na."
He inhaled massively while watching me.
"Naiinis kasi ako, e. All I want is to have a smooth relationship with you, like we can do everything without their judgements." naiirita kong sinabi, medyo nagtatas ng boses.
I gasped my emotions and continued.
"I've thought about everything, Elos. Inaamin kong nagkamali ako sa padalos-dalos at insensitive kong desisyon para sa ating dalawa na hindi man lang naisip kung anong mararamdaman mo. It was so bad and wrong, I'm sorry for hurting you. Pero, nakakasawa kasi. Nagsasawa na akong maikumpara sa nakaraan mo, nakakasawang marinig na hindi tayo bagay dahil mas deserve mo iyong una!"
Ang sakit noon para sa akin, hindi ko alam kung masyado lang akong sensitive pero hindi ko talaga matagalan tuwing may naririnig akong comparison. I want to make them see that no one's the same, no one's alike, no one's perfect because we all have our uniqueness. Kung mayroon mang magkamukha ay hindi iyon basehan upang ikumpara hangga't hindi nakikilala ng lubos, can't people just shut their mouths and just watch? Why do they need to make everything big deal when they are not even involved?
People should learn when to shut up.
He gasped as he held my hand and kissed it sweetly, tipid siyang ngumiti sa akin at nakitaan ko ng pait ang kanyang mga mata.
"We cannot have their minds, babe. We can't pull people to like us, or our relationship 'cause we're not holding their eyes and prejudice. All I can do to stop them is keep my ears off them or whatever crapshit they want to think and say about us. Because this is my life, baby. Wala akong pakealam sa maririnig ko hangga't magkasama tayo, hangga't akin ka." he said in the most soothing voice.
Suminghap ako at umiwas ng tingin sa kanya, I don't think I can handle the bitterness and sweetness in his eyes at the same time while looking at me. My heart is crumpling and breaking happily and it's not all right.
"Look, baby... I did not court you for nothing, I courted you to keep you and be mine. Hindi kita niligawan para sa ibang tao, hindi kita ginusto para sa kanila at hindi kita gusto dahil painter ka rin. I understand your situation, sa tingin mo ba ikaw lang ang nakakarinig ng ganyan?"
His eyes were now serious, nang tingnan ko ulit siya ay hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin. He looked hurt and sad. Para akong sasabog sa sakit na dulot noon sa aking dibdib.
"Damn, no. Sa teammates ko, sa mga kaibigan, parati ko ring naririnig ang pagkukumpara sa akin at sa mga nagkagusto sayo. I was compared to Corvi who had exerted his long time just to get your yes when I did not even do efforts to get you like what he did, same with Isaac."
