summit ✽ h.s

s i x t y - o n e

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE HAPPEN IN SUMMIT!!! it seriously matters to me :)

when you guys comment as you read i smile !!
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He exhales deeply.

"It was when I was back in London. After we had broken up."

I close my eyes and bury my face into my hands.

"Oh my god."

I feel like throwing up. I put him through that last year. Me.

"Just listen."

I don't say anything. What do I even say?

"It wasn't because of you. And I know you and that you'll blame yourself but it wasn't like that, okay?" He says. "It was just a lot of bottled up emotions from the last relationships I was in, that when we ended I felt like I wouldn't ever really find someone." He pauses. "Like you. I was scared and I just felt like I'd be alone forever. It was irrational."

"I'm so sorry."

I can't even look at him I feel so horrible.

"Stop, don't be." He wraps his arms around me.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Em."

"Do you think you need to talk to someone?"

"No, I'm really okay."

I don't believe him.

"Well what are you gonna do if this happens again?" I ask quietly.

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't know.

"What are you gonna do for your next shows?"

He drops his arms from around me and looks at me, sort of frozen.

"What do you mean what am I gonna do? I'm gonna go to them..."

"Do you think that's the best idea? You've been-"

"Yes it's the best idea. Thousands of people are coming for me and I'm not gonna let them down."

"I don't want you to-"

"Emma. I'm going to the shows. There's absolutely no way I'd cancel them."

I know he cares about his fans more than he does himself. He cares about others more than himself- that's why I love him. But in the case I feel like he needs to put himself in his field of view. He could very well have another panic attack because these feelings just don't disappear over night. What if he had one on stage? I can't even imagine.

I nod.

"What?" He asks, staring at me. I raise my eyebrows. "You're thinking something. What?"

"You won't stop interrupting me when I try to tell you." I tell him, clearly annoyed.

"Go. I won't."

"I'm just trying to help and I understand you don't want to miss tour. I'm not even saying you should I just think you should do something about your feelings so you don't have to go through this again."

"So you think I need therapy?"

"Not what I said. I just don't think it's healthy for you to bottle up all this anxiety."

He's the one to nod now. And he's quiet.

"I'm really tired." He says quietly.

Great, going to bed on extremely uncomfortable terms.