Spotlight || Lil Peep

21

Flashback: Gustav Åhr

I sit by Tracy at lunch. My first 12th grade year. I look around looking for her. The breeze blows around. I watch for a flash of her red hair.
I see her boyfriend but no girl. I wait a few more and finally see a bit of red hair tucked under a grey hoodie. She sits facing me. I watch her friends next to her. She's probably 40 feet away and i can hear her friends talk.
She looks up and I look away. I wait a moment before looking up. Her eyes are closed like she's thinking. Her cheeks sunken. Big black bags hang under her eyes. Her hair forced under protection from being frizzy. 
It's funny how she looks like she hasn't slept in days and still look beautiful. Her skin looks pale. I grip the seat to prevent myself from going over there. Danny notices me and he grabs Rose's chin forcing her to kiss him.
I would never force her to kiss me. But it stings. He kissed  her cause I looked? But who wouldn't? She's ... just wow.
"You should go talk to her." Tracy says. He has his arm around his girlfriend.
"She'll never listen."
"Bet y'all will date."
"It'll never happen."

Present: Gustav 

I pull up to Hop Topic is Santa Monica. Her face lights up as we get out. Rose's face highlights my days. The smile she gives with her pearl white teeth. How her eyes light up over the littlest thing. It's makes me always smile.

 She grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. We walk into the store. She rushes off to the Falling in Reverse Shirts. I walk around for 15 minutes watching Rose babble about her favorite bands and their songs. 

I grab hoodies she continue to look at. A shirt caught my eye and rush over to get it. While Rose was looking around more, I grab it. I remember when i had a shirt like it but i never found it after Layla. I put it over my shoulder. I'll wear it later. 

But it's like as Layla invades my thoughts, she invades my life. I sense a change in the atmosphere. I automatically look for Layla. I've felt this kind of change in air. I walk over to Rose. Her face lights up at every sight of a shirt she likes. She looks so happy that I can't make her leave. I look around. I don't see Layla's slutty figure anywhere. But the air still stinks of her.

Rose continues to look at a GBC and feeling the fabric. She looks at me and i smile. There her eyes go again. Lighting up. Making me feel soft and warm but with the tension in the air fro Layla, its kinda hard. 

"Your part of the GBC aren't you?" I nod. My phone buzzes. 

TooDesperate💔 :You looking good.

Gustav💥: leave me alone

TooDesperate💔: is that rose? such a down grade from me

Gustav💥: you mean upgrade

(###) ###-#### blocked!

I put my phone back in my pocket and look around once more. I growl when i see Layla walking up. Her crop top showing the underlines of her boobs. Her tight skirt squeezing her nonexistent butt. Rose calls my name. I look at her annoyed.

"What?" she asks. I grab my wallet and she looks confused.

"Pick out anything ,babygirl." I say grabbing my credit card. Layla lingers near a MIW shirt. She looks around. She must know I'm not playing when I told her to. She picks out a Green Day shirt, the GBC shirt and a My Chemical Romance Shirt. She forces a smile knowing my mood change. As we head to the cash register when the air in the room gets thicker. We wait a minute as the only worker is helping a costumer. Layla sneaks up behind me and flicks my ear. I turn around. Rose right by my side.

"Gustav! It's been so long!" Layla exclaims.

"Yea. Not long enough." I mumble.

"No wonder why we broke up." She says. She turns to Rose,"You must be Miranda." I glare daggers at her.

"What?" she says looking at me.

"Layla? You sticking yo nose into something you shouldn't be." I say.

"What's this little prick gonna do?" The cashier rings our stuff as I swipe my card. People behind Layla are recording and I let them knowing Rose ain't gonna retreat. She finna go face in.

"Sorry. What did you say?" Rose says. Her face turning red. Rose is shorter than Layla by maybe 4 inches. Layla is also wider but she's never seen Rose. I've seen Rose fight. She goes straight to the point.

"Get on my level Miranda."

Uh oh...

"First off. My name is Rose. Second, I'd have to step down a few steps to be on your level. So just shut up you desperate hoe." Rose turns letting her hair swing.

"Its funny how you think he'd ever like you." Layla says. I grab Rose by the waist and pull her in. I kiss her lips. Not a short little tap but a long sweet one. It seems to last a minute. We pull back for a minute. Her eyes glaze over. I smile and grab our bag. I jog and pull her with me. We get into my car and head out on the road. With the tinted windows, i force her into my lap. She kisses my neck.

I take all my will power not to pull over the car. As we get into town, I stop by my house. I pull her inside just as i open the door. I kiss her pushing her up against the wall lightly 

"Gus? I wanna wait." I look up.

"Did you ever do this with Danny?"

"No. Why?"

"So, you got your V card?" i ask scared. I don't wanna hurt her. Slow down Gustav. Slow down. Don't ruin this one. Not this relationship.

"Yes." I slowly put her down. She looks confused. I rub my hands through my hair. The stand turning wet from my sweat. 

"What?" she asks worried.

"I'm sorry."

"For?" 

"I still wanna take this slow. I can't stop these feelings. I love every second and stuff but I can't hurt you."

And its true. I can't hurt her. I love her to death but why me? She chose me when she can have any other person in the world but me? I'm just going to hurt her later on and it'll hurt more later than now. Ugh....this stuff is so confusing. Layla was never like this. She went straight in and broke up with me when she got bored. I can't keep breaking myself.