Anxiety Attack

Chapter 4

Finley’s P.O.V.

As I left the classroom, I could feel the tears start to cascade down my cheeks as I ran for the bathroom.  Opening the door, I slammed it shut and sank against it, burying my face in my shaking hands. I took a deep rattling breath, making sure I kept in oxygen before the inevitable panic attack came.

I started crying harder, moving my face from my hands to my knees, feeling my breath sputter in my chest and eventually I was gasping for air. My mouth was dry, my throat was closing up, and it felt like someone had just kicked me in the chest. Tears were forced from my eyes as I inhaled sharply.

Someone pounded on the door, making me jump away from the door and my breaths come faster.

“Finley, its Eli, let me in!” Eli called, banging on the door.

I shook my head, more tears falling from my eyes and I tried to suck in a breath but no air would come in.

“Fin, come on, let me in, please!” Eli called again, sounding more desperate.

Fin. Fin. His nickname for me. Somehow, my under-oxygenated focused on that single word, a Pronoun, a nickname, a name. My name, my own personal nickname. No one had ever given me a nickname before.  No one had cared enough to give me a nickname.

“Fin!” Eli yelled desperately. “I know you’re in there, please, let me in!”

I bit my lip so hard I almost drew blood, and I took several short rough breaths before struggling to reach the doorknob. I just managed to turn in a little when Eli barged in, scanning the room until he found me.

“Oh Fin,” his voice broke at seeing me in a huddled ball against the dirty bathroom floor.

I let out a whimper in response, feeling my breathing quicken at just having him in the room seeing my like this, and I couldn’t form a coherent thought as he looked at me, biting his lip.

“Okay Fin, I’m going to try to touch your arm now,” Eli said slowly, reaching for my arm.

I shook my head wildly, trying to move away from his searching fingers.

“Fin,” Eli said softly, looking me straight in the eyes. “Please.”

My breath swiftly picked up and I shook my head. I didn’t know Eli. All I knew was that he had a lip ring, was kind of cute (I totally didn’t say that, by the way) and his name was Eli. I barely let my brother near me when I was having a panic attack and we just had a laughing fit at the top of our staircase the other night.  There was no way I was going to let Eli touch me.

“Please,” Eli’s gaze was steady, unwavering. “Fin, Finley, please, let me help you.”

I don’t need help, I tried to say, but only a wheeze came out. I’ve dealt with these on my own.

But this one was the worst in years. It wasn’t stopping, I kept thinking my breath was back but then I would lose it again, and I couldn’t keep oxygen in my lungs for longer than ten seconds.

“Fin,” Eli whispered, leaning forward. “Let me help you. Please. I can help you, Fin. Please.”

It was that last word that made me agree, the last one that had so much longing and hope and just pure emotion in I that made me believe I could trust him. So slowly, I nodded.

“Okay, Fin, I’m going to touch your arm,” Eli said softly, barely brushing my arm with his fingers. When I didn’t flinch, he continued. “Now your other arm.” Eli reached for my other arm, taking gentle hold of it. I didn’t move, just trying to focus on calming my breathing. “Okay, Fin, you’re doing great, now I’m going to scoot a little closer, okay?” At my nod, he moved about a foot closer, so we were about a foot and a half away from each other. “Fin,” Eli said quietly, “Can I hug you?”

I blinked at this, I was twitching at him even touching my arm and being so close to me, but then again, his touch on my arms had calmed me down slightly, so I said “O-Okay.”

Eli slowly wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer so he was hugging me. I sat there like stone before I realized that his embrace was actually comforting and I relaxed. His arms were strong, but not too strong that the muscles were huge and in your face. His chest was solid and his shirt was really soft, kind of like cotton or something. I found myself wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my face on his chest.

Eli let out a breath I wasn’t aware he was holding and he shifted so he could rest his chin on my head. After a couple minutes, my breathing slowed and it occurred to me that we were doing a very coupley thing and we weren’t even friends, much less a couple.

I let go and felt my face flush bright red. “T-thank you for c-calming me d-down,” I said quietly.

“No problem,” Eli said casually.

“How d-did you know I-I was in h-here?” I inquired; the question had been burning in my chest since he’d come in.

“We’re in the same science class,” Eli explained. “I saw you run out of the classroom and I followed you.”

“W-Why?” I stammered. “I’m j-just a f-freak.”

“No you’re not,” Eli said so firmly that it made me glance up at him before going back to twiddling my fingers. “You just have anxiety attacks.”

“Y-You say it l-like it’s a n-normal thing,” I muttered, trying to be quiet but Eli heard me.

He chuckled. “It isn’t that strange. I’ve had a few.”

“R-Really?” I asked. I had never met anyone who had had an anxiety attack before. I’m usually the only one, the only weirdo.

“Yeah,” Eli said easily, as if he was telling me what he had eaten for breakfast this morning. “When I’m really stressed or something. Oh and when I got this done,” he pointed to his lip ring. “I was freaking out and almost passed out.”

“T-Then why did you g-get it?” I asked softly.

“Oh look, the bell, lunchtime!” Eli said quickly, walking out of the bathroom.

I stayed in that bathroom for the rest of the lunch period, reapplying my makeup and trying to recover from my almost twenty-minute anxiety attack. I spent the rest of the day thinking about Eli, and why he comforted me and why he was so eager to change the subject when it came to his lip ring. 

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Made you curious, huh? Surprise! Friday update! Haha, I seem to do these a lot.... anyway, I like this one, maybe just becaause I love Eli, but whatever. Pretty, pretty please vote and comment, I love your thoughts and let's make a deal-my favorite comment will get a shoutout next chapter? I saw an author do that and I thought it was a cool thing to do. Bye!

Love ya!

-Taylor