Say You Won't Let Go *EDITING*

Disaster ✅

The stroke of dawn was approaching and I barely got any sleep last night. My thoughts were way bigger than I could have imagined and it stopped me from sleeping.

I would be running off 2 hours of sleep today and I didn't know how to handle a full day's work with little energy.

I showered up, hoping the warm water would wash away the tears of the night and hid my shame. Even I knew a shower wasn't powerful enough to wash away my shame.

The shame I possess is bigger than I myself.

I didn't even feel like dressing up it was more like dressing to cover up. The makeup I had to waste to cover up my neck was unnecessary.

The unnecessary amount was going to cost me a fortune to replace, but I can't just go in there and have all my marks out.

I took some foundation and covered the marks on my chest, and neck, making sure to put enough to cover, but not too much that it's cakey.

When I was satisfied with the look, even though I thought it could be better, nobody was going to stare directly at my neck anyways.

I placed on a black blouse and white skirt, thinking today wasn't a heel day. I didn't want to look out of the ordinary. If I came not looking my best some people would find that weird, I speak from experience.

I put on some black pumps and jogged out my room out into the bigger more open space which was my living room, speeding towards the direction of the kitchen.

Making me a tall cup of coffee today, I was going to need it. My coffee machine was the best, I made sure my coffee was strong every day so I won't be able to fall asleep during the job.

The short time it took the coffee to brew made my head wander again. But I stopped thinking when my cup was filled and I headed out the door the warm travel mug was a nice feeling in my hands.

I didn't have the time to even make sure I had creamer in the coffee, but I didn't mind the strength of the coffee, I was most likely going to need it.

Upon opening the office doors I decided to not talk to many, just the ones I must. So walking towards my new office I realized I forgot to buy decorations for the empty space.

I was going to have to do that today if possible.

I heard a light knocking at my door and this dark-skinned male with a tight shirt and slacks on was trying to get my attention.

"Hello?" I spoke getting up and walking towards the glass doors opening it.

"Hi...um, I understand you're new here. I just want to welcome you to the office. You haven't really said anything to anyone since you came".

"I've only been here a day". I took a pause before continuing, "Today makes two". I acknowledged.

"You want to meet some of my friends after work today".

"That'd be great, I'm new in the city". I smiled sweetly and held out my hand for him to shake. "Olivia".

"Lucas". He responded quickly after I finished my statement.

I opened my palm letting him know I was ready to pull away from the shaking of our hands and he let mine go, letting it drop to my sides.

He relaxed and his hearty smile filled his face and from here forward I could tell he was nice. I couldn't tell if he was going to be a good friend or not like the others.

I didn't know if he was to be trusted by me or if he was good enough to earn my trust but I guess I was just going to have to gamble with my feelings and let the cards fall where they may.

"Hope your day goes well Olivia" He smiled at me and walked out the door of my office leaving me alone again.

I walked back to my seat and sat in my chair celebrating in my head that I had made a new acquaintance. Something good to come from this day at least. I was getting excited and happy that I knew someone other than Thomas in this city. Lucas was a nice handsome looking fella I think I could meet some people through him and not feel so alone in my trip through bringing my dream to life.

A loud buzzing sound filled my ears and I didn't know where it was coming from.

"Olivia report to Mr. Morgan's office, it's urgent". I heard static and that let me know it was some type of speaker inside my office but of course, nobody decided to think to tell me about it before it scared the living shit out of me.

No matter that now, I rose from my seat and hurried out to meet Mr. Morgan in hopes he wanted to talk about the actual tasks he wanted me to do. No funny business about what went on last night. Or anything nearly related because I will not be doing that again.

I have to set some type of boundaries with him, nothing to the extreme, and maybe try my best to keep my distance when I can, and not try to lead into his ways anymore.

He caught me slipping the first time but nothing like that will I let past again, he's going to have my full attention as long as it's on meaningful things.

All this thinking made my walk to his office go by fast and before I knew it I was at his door.

I knocked softly, him reacting by opening his door swiftly and letting me inside.

"Hello, sir".

"You know you can call me Bakari right?" He seemed unfazed by last night and that simply hurt my ego a little, but I wasn't about to let that be known. Masking the hurt emotion with one of unbothered I continued to let him just speak to me.

"I would like to just call you sir, if that's okay with you, sir".

He nodded and accepted the fact that I was starting to become distant. I wasn't sure if he was comfortable with that but that's how it was going to have to be, and I was ready to try my best not to fall for his tricks. He probably didn't even know he was doing what he was. It was just natural for him to act all promiscuous.

"Well I need to talk to you about this morning and I don't think calling me sir is appropriate for that".

Here we go with that again, the one moment in my life I wish I was drunk. I didn't want to remember any part of that night, not a single second but unfortunately, I remembered every second as if it just happened.

I could still feel his hands on me, I could still feel him inside me. The way he stretched me, the way he felt inside me. Everything felt all surreal and I sometimes didn't want to believe it but it happened.

I gave in and it was something I was going to have to forget and get over, but the more it was brought into existence the harder it would be for me to move on from it.

"Can we not talk about it, I would really rather not. Not now, not ever". I said coldly and I knew it but I didn't know how else to speak on it without getting tingly from the sensation of it.

"You aren't having second thoughts on it, are you? I don't want to make you feel like you ruined yourself, or your image, because you didn't".

He just described exactly how I was feeling. Giving myself away to a complete stranger and his wife felt degrading. I felt like some whore on the street who'd sleep with anyone for cash, and his offering to pay me this yesterday didn't make that feeling any lighter.

"Yes I did, I made myself look easy. Like I was some whore on the sidewalk. You and me sleeping together was a mistake Sir, and that's something I'll regret a while". I stopped talking looking down from him to my hands in my lap fidgeting with my fingers. "Sir I can't talk about this anymore. Okay. I need to go, now". I rose from my place in one of his chairs that sat before his desk.

"Olivia Wait!" He called out to be but I kept stepping until I reached his door to leave.

Nothing could hide my shame or the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I hurried into the restrooms and let out a big gasp of breath. A warm tear strolled down my face as I took big unsteady breaths.

Trying to compose myself before someone walked inside.

I backed myself into a wall, looking at the mirror from afar.

Staring at the woman I have become or the woman I have let someone make me.