For love |COMPLETED✔️

26 - Strangled Sobs When Pouring Your Heart Out

Two weeks. It's been two weeks of me ignoring Chris.

Technically, I haven't been ignoring him, if you don't count sleeping on couch every night, waking and leaving earlier in the mornings, him coming home later in the evenings, us not even sharing breakfast and me not even sparing him a glance.

Honestly speaking, I've been miserable. I didn't even crack a smile, if I did, it was as fake as oils love for water.

It's Thursday today and yes, I am on my way home from work. I have never spoken to Shawn since...that awkward time in the car. I really do miss him but I don't long for him. I long for Chris. I don't have that fire in my heart for Shawn any longer. Mum and dad miss me extremely and Sam... Sam is Sam.

I've uploaded another video where I sung Breath Me by Sia. I guess that song had meaning because I kind of trusted Chris. And even though he knows nothing about me, he didn't have the right to judge.

I get out of the car, with my keys and phone in hand. The slight breeze that rushes past me makes my long sleeved black dress blow up.

I hold it down and I release a breath of relief when I enter the house. Chris and I haven't even discussed when we're getting married yet.

I immediately take my black stilettos off and release my hair from the tight pony tail it was in, "Stupid hair band." i mutter as I massage my aching skull.

I decide to grab a drink first so I drop my shoes in the living room, not even noticing Chris sitting there, waiting for who knows what. Usually he comes home extremely late.

I ignore his presence, kind of, since his expensive cologne is really making my head spin. In the good way.

I try to walk past him but he stops me, "Anja wait."

I stop and turn to him, "What do you want from me?"

"I-I miss you." I raise my eyebrows at that funny statement, "Listen, I know it sounds crazy as fuck. But I do. I can't stand not talking to you, seeing you smile. The only way I get to actually examine you is through a screen. OK? For the past two weeks I realised something. A dangerous something. I kept on denying and denying but every second I spend away from you, it hurts. I realised that I care. Maybe it's your gentle laugh. Or your beautiful smile. Maybe it's the way your hair blows in the wind or maybe its even from the way you look in the morning when you stand up. But I care, Dammit! I'm sorry for saying the things I did and you're right. I do know nothing about you but I want to know. I want to know everything about you. From when you grew your first perfect tooth till the part on how you ended being engaged to an imperfect man. I want to know, and I mean it. " I don't fight the fluttering in my stomach thus time as a small smile manages to crack through my walls.

His words made my insides crumble. And slowly I lose my smile.

I don't say anything for a while as my eyes fall to the ground. I trust him and maybe I should tell him. But what if he runs away? What if he hates me after that? What if he- No. He said he wants to know me. And I'm going to start off.

"I was eight years old." I start a smile lighting up my face as I stare off into nothing in particular, "Believe it or not, we used to be rich. My maternal grandparents had money, mum was lawyer and dad, he was just a teacher. But we loved each other. I had a brother too. He was so over protective of his family. Every Monday, Thursday and Saturday, my aunt and uncle used to come over and when my aunt died from cancer, my uncle used to visit more often. He was a happy man. My mums brother. He loved me so so much and he was my favourite uncle. He both me chocolates, sweets, clothing, jewelry. One Sunday, we were having lunch and mum was cleaning the kitchen. We had just moved and uncle wanted to use the bathroom. He asked me to lead him to it and I did. "

This is when tears spring to my eyes, I unconsciously fall on my knees to ground,"He opened the bathroom door and shut it behind him, locking it. I was confused and I was only eight years old. He sat me on his lap and he told me that I had to repay him for all the gifts that he bought me. I didn't know how, so I asked him and he said he'll take care of that. And he did. I was so young. The pain. "I shut my eyes and turn my head to the side. I can feel the tears streaming down my face.

I'm glad Chris didn't interrupt me, I need to get this out,"He went inside me and I didn't know what he was doing. I'd scream in pain but he'd shut my mouth. I got used to it, not the pain but whenever he'd come over, I knew it was going to happen again. Soon enough I learnt about rape in school and I was afraid. I'd try to leave before he came but there was always a reason for me to stay. No one suspected it of course. I tried screaming once but he slapped me right across my face the he sat me on his lap again, 'Sshhhhh. Sshhhhh.' he said, "I put my forefinger on my lips, and smile at the wicked memory," 'This is what love is' he'd say. This went on for eight years. He 'loved' me three to four times a week.  I was fifteen when he came over to our house again, but I escaped to my room. I told mum I was going to phone Sam. And I did. I told her I loved her. And that I was sorry. I popped some pills dry and intended to die. But mum found me and I got saved in time. She also found a note. It said why I decided to commit suicide. She was angry at my uncle. My brother was seventeen then and when he read the note, he was so angry. I wasn't there of course but I saw the surveillance cameras from inside our house. My brother beat uncle to a pulp. Somehow, uncle ended up with a fork in his hand. He stabbed my brother to death. And it was all because me." i let out a strangled sob."After that, uncle went to prison for life, for rape and murder. Mum and dad no longer wanted to live that life. They wanted to be closer to me. So we moved, started afresh. We gave everything away. My maternal grandparents were angry yes, but it wasn't their choice. When it was time for me to go to university, my parents never once wished that they could go back in time for the money. They scraped what they had together and sent me for education. I'm not a virgin, no. My innocence was stolen from me long ago. 13 years ago. But it is what love is right? He was loving me."another few strangled and unlady like sobs escapes as Chris pulls me into his chest.

That night I fell asleep in his arms and it was quite comforting. My heart felt lighter and I felt better. Why?

Because Chris was there.

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