DOUBLE TAKE (Part 8)

Twinkle Little Star

"That's a wrap". The photographer finally called and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Many think modeling is an easy job and takes zero neurons to do but that just isn't so. Sure it's a glitzy lifestyle and what woman wouldn't want it. You're given designer clothes, pampered beyond belief, make-up and hair artists at your beck and call and trips to beautiful destinations but modeling has it's downside as well. In fact it's very vigorous work. For example, it may look like I'm sitting in a warm, tropical place but in reality I'm in a forest in the dead of winter. It's barely thirty degrees and I'm wearing a dress made of the thinnest material. I've been here since four in the morning and the photographer finally decides by six p.m. That he has the money shot.

So yes, I'm frozen, hungry and tired, yet I keep faking the camera out. Forcing myself not to shiver or look like an ice cube, I stare into that lens and give the most sultry, firey look imaginable. I block out the hunger pains and the fact that I can't feel my fingers or toes and make love to the camera.

Occasionally I'm given a short break but I can't relax. No, I'm bombarded with a team or what I like to call the stampede. My clothes are pulled from me as another outfit is slid into place. While some make sure the new designer duds fit me perfectly another team is banging away at my hair forcing it into another style and more are attacking my face with powder and brushes. All the while a heat fan is blowing on me trying to unthaw me like a frozen turkey. If I'm lucky enough I'm able to manage a few sips of coffee before I'm rushed off to the photo set again.

Some thrive on the limelight and some find it a burden. Me, it depends on my mood and the circumstances. I adore my fans and I'm grateful to be given this opportunity but sometimes I want to enjoy a meal in peace or shop uninterrupted. Sometimes I just need my alone time to be just me, where I can let my hair down and not be under the scrunity of cameras, media and fans. I need some privacy. Then there's the darker side.

The side where I have to watch every morsel of food I put into my mouth. Every calorie counts and gaining a pound could break me. That's a daily battle for me. It's the same routine everyday. I wake at four and have two boiled eggs with one slice of dry wheat toast. For lunch it's a fresh salad followed by dinner which consists of either chicken or salmon and a vegetable or another salad. Day in, day out this is what I eat, my agent insists on it. Some days my mouth waters for a slice of greasy pizza or a chunk of chocolate. If I have a bad day I can't come home and smash a bag of chips or ice cream.

My agent has me at the gym four times a week for a three hour hardcore workout and I take a kickboxing class twice a week. However I enjoy the kickboxing class. Not only does it make my legs look magnificent but I reap the benefits of learning to defend myself. There's just something about knowing I could possibly take down any man that threatens me. Plus I can workout all my aggressions, like not eating chocolate. Yet this is what it takes to be Germany's top model.

But there's even a darker side, a side I stay far from. I left my parent's tiny farmhouse at the age of eighteen. My parent's are the greatest and I take pride from where I came from. I was just a meek farm girl and now I enjoy sending my hardworking parent's money and gifts. However I knew there has to be more out there for me. I couldn't imagine living my entire life in a farming community, settling for one of the few men and popping out babies. I needed more than that. I wanted fun, adventure and expierences. Never had I given modeling a thought but many told me I had rare beauty. I never saw it and still struggle seeing it today. I'd never even worn lipstick until I came to Berlin in search of my place in this world. I landed a job at a travel bookstore where I spent most of my time reading of these far off places that I vowed to visit one day. Making friends wasn't hard and I couldn't keep the men away. Several month's later a friend told me I should enter this modeling contest and as a joke I did. I didn't realize it would change my life in more than one way.