her (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 31 - A Dream

"After that day, after seeing the two of you like that, my heart was shattered." Namjoon started explaining, the two of you sat on the couch in your office, his arm around you as your head rested on his chest. "I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep in that house, so I stayed at my mom's house for awhile. I locked myself up for days, didn't show up to work because I would have to go past your office everyday, and the memory was too painful for me. I had some clean out everything, I couldn't bear to throw them away, so they're probably in the storage somewhere. I even fired Hoseok hyung, it was a dumb decision, but I'm glad he's good now at SM. I'm sure you also heard that I forbid anyone from mentioning you. I knew that you were living with Chaeyoung at the time, so I was especially tough on her. Remind me to apologize to her tomorrow. And it was especially hard on the boys, they really missed you. And they missed the me that was with you, I became almost like a shell, or a ghost. I practically stopped writing any songs, Yoongi and Slow Rabbit hyung took over most of the work. "

"When I found out that you had moved to Milan to study, I was relieved. Relieved that you were gone and maybe I could move on, but also angried that you got to do what you wanted while I have to suffer like that. I never stopped to realize that you might have been hurting as well." He hugged you tighter, afraid that you might leave him. This was the vulnerable side of him that nobody sees, except you. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek before letting him continue. His body soothed against yours.

"I met Seolhyun a little after I started RKive. She was just an up and coming model at the time, my father had introduced me to her, in hopes that we would hit it off and continued the prestige lineage. But of course it didn't work out. We both wanted to focus on our careers, so we ended on a good note. Two years after you left, I happened to bump into her again. And we decided to give it another try. In reality, we both knew that nothing good would come out of it. I was quick to propose to her, in hopes of forgetting you, forever. But nothing felt right. I would kiss her and hug her but I felt so incomplete and wrong, but I thought it was the only way to get you out of my head. I wasn't even close to getting there when I saw you again in Milan. You looked as beautiful as always and I hated how I still think that. The sadness in your eyes killed me. Asking you to design that dress was stupid, it was my petty self trying to get you back.

"I think a part of me knew that nothing had happened between you and Hoseok. But it was too late and I hate to be wrong, so I had let it go in for so long. God, I hate myself. I had let you slip out of my embrace for so long, but this is where you belong, and this is where I'm meant to be." He lifted your head up by the chin, the two of you were content with just looking into each other's eyes.

"If you'd like, you can stay there forever." you said.

"I'd like that a lot." He leaned in, eliminating the space between him and your lips. It was gentle. He moved slowly, his hands cupping your face. But then they moved down to lay you on the couch while he adjusted on top of you. His weight felt comforting on your body, his warmths melting you into the couch. You ran your hair through his hair. When you did that, the kisses turned more rough. It was wet and sloppy. He lowered his head to leave kisses on your neck, his hands holding yours so that you wouldn't be able to stop him.

He pushed himself up, caressing your cheeks, you leaned into it. "I love you so much." He bent down to give you a small peck, then scooted you over so he could lay down. He laid your head down on his arm. You protested at first, saying how he might be uncomfortable later.

"Shut up." he said, his eyes were closed, but he wasn't quite asleep yet. He was tracing your back with his free hand. "I love you, Y/N." he whispered. You blushed, nuzzling into his chest to hide the embarrassment.

"I love you too, Namjoon."

"How is it that you can still love me after what I did?"

"Like I've said before, I'm a fool. I thought about you everyday. Wondering if you were happy or not, if you were healthy, if you ever think about me. But trust is a big thing for you, and in the moment, I broke it. I should have pushed him away more forceful, I should have done anything to get him away, but I didn't. So I was aware that it was my fault nonetheless."

"I will always believe you, from now on."

"I hope so. I think this is what love is. You have to love, no matter the situation, because loving is what makes us human. And that includes the pain and the tears what come with it."

"As long as I'm alive, you'll never experience any of those bad things again. You are too precious to me, baby doll. I'm never letting you go again." With one last sigh, the two of you fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

In the morning, you stretched lightly before opening your eyes. The space next to you was empty. You felt your heart sinking when you didn't see him in the room, nor any of his stuff. Tears began filling your eyes.

"Was it all a dream?" you asked yourself. Maybe you had imagined the whole thing to cope with the situation. You pulled your knees close to your chest and held them tightly. Everything felt so real, but at the same time, it was impossible for this to happen. If it was a dream, you were thankful for it. At least you got to hold him one last time. You heard the front door opening, but you didn't move, thinking that it was probably Chaeyoung bringing you breakfast like she does when you stay the night at the boutique.

"Hey Chae-"

"Chae?" a voice asked. You turned around quickly, almost falling off the couch. He smiled and walked over to you and crouched down until you both are eye level. He frowned "Baby doll, why are you crying?" he asked, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

"I thought... I thought this was all a dream. And that you were never here in the first place." You were sobbing quietly. He pulled you into a hug. "I've had so many dreams like this when I was away. I was so scared that this might be another one. I can't lose you, Namjoon."

He continued to comfort you, patting your back lightly. "Y/N, you will never lose me again. I promise you that. I'm sorry for leaving, I was just out to get us breakfast. But next time, I'll stay by your side until you're sick of me. Deal?" You nodded into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry for overreacting like this." you said as you pulled back from him, wiping your own tears away. You couldn't tell what expression he was making, but it was clear that he was thinking about something. Then his eyes lit up.

"Y/N,"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you move back in with me?"