university | lrh

18 - promise

Elise Halder
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"Don't cry, baby," Luke murmurs, hand delicately brushing a fallen tear that had escaped my traitorous eyes. "Please don't cry." His voice was barely above a whisper.

I don't remember much about getting back to my own dorm. The only thing I could focus on was gripping tightly onto Luke, although it wasn't really all that necessary. He was holding me so carefully and so desperately that I was certain I couldn't fall from his grip even if I wanted to.

But of course I didn't want to.

The thing is, I thought I had it together. I was sure that by now, none of this would faze me anymore. But that's just what people do; we tell ourselves that we're unbothered, that we don't care. And all it takes is one unexpected reminder to bring down carefully built up walls around the truth.

And the truth fucking sucks.

It sucks because I don't know what to tell Luke, because I don't necessarily want to tell Luke. But a bigger part of me doesn't want him to think I'm so emotional for no reason, so I desperately try to sort out my thoughts and my story in an effort to keep myself from looking crazy.

"I'm not." I lie, hastily replacing his fingers under my puffy eyes with my own.

Luke sighs and retracts his hand as I will myself to suck any remaining tears back into their rightful place behind the ducts in my eyes. He looks concerned, and I can tell from the way he repeatedly clenches and unclenches his hand that he's restraining himself from bombarding me with questions.

If I wasn't using most of my willpower not to cry, I'd probably smile at his thoughtfulness.

"I'm not," I repeat. "I just..." I trail off and Luke stills in anticipation. "I don't know why I got so upset," I lie again, forcing out the weakest excuse for a laugh.

But this is Luke we're taking about, and nothing slips by him. Especially not my meager attempt to brush off my emotions.

"Elise," he sighs once more, and I see his hand move from its resting position on my bed towards me, but he stops himself. "Please don't do this. Please don't act like nothing's wrong when we both know it's not true." His voice is careful, almost too cautious, and I realize his movements are as well.

He's got you there, I'm reminded. Time to spill, Elise.

I take in his disheveled state and notice how tired the man looks. I can only hope it isn't because of me, but the selfish part of me knows that would be wishful thinking.

"I'm sorry," it comes out way too quiet. "I shouldn't have left like that-"

"I don't blame you."

He says it quickly, and I glance up to his face to see his lips pursed and his brows pulled together, almost like he's grimacing at the memory.

"Luke-"

"I probably would have left too," he interrupts, looking away from me. "If I heard half of the shit you heard, I would've ran away from me, too." His jaw clenches tightly and I wince at how tense he's become.

"I wasn't trying to run from you-" the words don't even phase him.

"But you should," He swallows. "You should try to run from me, Elise." He shakes his head slightly and still refuses to look at me.