bnha imagines

blocked out // h. shinsou

word count: 1.3k

summary: your soulmate has blocked you out for as long as you can remember; you're not sure why, but when he finally lets you in, you're not so sure you even want to speak anymore.

...

  the first time you'd heard a voice in your head that wasn't your own, you were five years old, and you freaked out. you screamed and cried to your parents that you were going crazy and the world was ending and there was a grumpy boy in your head. they'd simply laughed, and it was then that you learned of the existence of soulmates. it calmed you down a bit, but you were still wary.

  eventually, you came to learn your soulmates name was shinsou hitoshi, a boy wanting to be a hero just like you. throughout your childhood, you shared many mental conversations with the boy, usually late at night and after your parents had gone to bed, and you shared your secrets in confidence, while he told you his. you always knew he would be a hero, even if his classmates disagreed.

  you plopped down face first into your comforter, a groan coming from your lips. you'd just spent the last few hours training your ability for the entrance exam to your choice hero school. "shinsou, you there?"

  but the boy's mind was silent, not even a fleeting thought directed your way. it was like he didn't exist.

  "shinsou?"

  still, nothing.

  you huffed and buried your face deep into your pillow. he probably was already asleep; maybe you could catch him in your dreams, you thought to yourself. that was another thing about soulmates, at least the ones that shared thoughts–it was like a special pocket where you could meet in one shared dream. perhaps he was already waiting for you, and you willed yourself to sleep.

  your brows furrowed as you didn't recognize the surroundings in your dream; usually, you could find yourself at a beach with the waves softly crashing upon the shore, and you'd see shinsou perched near the water. but... but there was only sand in this dream–a desert, a wasteland with nothing but a few tumbleweeds passing through. where were you?

  "shinsou?" you called, beginning to walk forward. your feet burned slightly with the heat pounding down from the sun overhead. there was a small tree that cast just a little shade, and you sat down under it. maybe you could wait for your soulmate? he might be busy.

  but time passed, and soon you'd woken up from your dream to the sound of your alarm blaring near your ear. your throat felt dry, and just as you woke up, you caught the tail end of something. a thought that wasn't your own.

  "it's for her own good. she'll thank me later."

  your eyes widened, "shinsou?!"

  and just as your thought reached him, the static silence had returned. your shoulders drooped, and you pouted to yourself.

—

  it was something that continued on through your teenage years–you would try your hardest to reach shinsou, or try to return to the beach in your dreams, but there was nothing. even the desert had disappeared and been replaced with an empty, dark void. you'd given up somewhere along the way, when your class started calling you pathetic for continuing to try.

  "he's probably not answering for a reason."

  "yeah, he probably realized how annoying you are."

  "just give up, you're pathetic."

  "he's trying to be a hero, right? someone like him doesn't need a distraction like you."

  there words hurt, and they continued to hurt you everyday; your heart would clench whenever you saw soulmates enter your coffee shop, or when it was new years eve and everyone was kissing the soulmate they'd already found. and yet, you felt like one of the unlucky ones, the ones that never had a soulmate to begin with. after all, you'd started telling yourself it was your imagination. shinsou hitoshi didn't exist, and it was a hallucination based on childhood stress.

  so it caught you by surprise when a gruff voice had entered your head, and you dropped the blender as you watched the contents spill all over the floor.

  "dammit," you hissed under your breath. just relax, it's a trick. he never existed, you don't have a soulmate, you're imagining things.

  "i can assure you i do exist, (name)."

  your heart clenched, but you shook your head. just take your meds when you get home, you'll be fine.

  "meds? (name), are you okay?"

  using the technique your therapist taught you, you blocked out the voice with steady humming; you mopped up the spilled coffee and excused yourself to go home. your manager was more than understanding, and she wished you good luck, knowing of your situation.

  when you got home, you tossed your keys on the table and slipped your purse on the hook. you hadn't had an incident in a while, not since high school, not since you'd been taking your medication day by day as your doctor prescribed. god, what was wrong with your head?

  you plopped down on your sofa, falling to sleep soon after your head hit the cushion.

  "this place has really changed."

  your eyes snapped open; you were used to being alone in the dark void. it was comforting to you. what once was a source of anxiety had become your safe haven. so, why was a stranger in this dream with you?

  "wasn't it a beach last time?"

  there was a man floating in your void just a few feet away, his lilac eyes searching the darkness for some semblance of a beach. but, there was nothing, not even a single grain of sand.

  "(name), what happened here?"

  "who are you? how did you get here?" you pushed forward, eyes narrowed at the stranger–though, he did look oddly familiar to you. there was something about the wild purple hair and calm lilac eyes that gave you a sense of familiarity. perhaps you'd seen him on the street or at the shop before.

  he quirked a brow, eyeing your hand as it neared his hair. "uh, last i knew, this was the place for us to meet. did... did you really forget about me?"

  you shook your head, "i'm-i'm not following. i mean, you look familiar and all, but i don't think i know you."

  "it's me, shinsou," he looked at you with expectant eyes. was he really gone for that long? what happened in his absence? he couldn't have been gone long enough for you to forget about him.

  the name struck a small chord, and you thought about it a little bit harder. shinsou, shinsou, shinsou... shins–shinsou! you gasped as you looked at the man in front of you. a million memories hit you from your childhood, and the void around you began to warp. there was the faint sound of crashing waves, slowly getting louder with each roll.

  he frowned a bit, "i didn't think i was gone for that long, (name)."

  your feet hit the sand, and you looked down with teary eyes. "i... i don't understand. you-you disappeared, and i had successfully convinced myself that you were a figment of my imagination. i thought that i was just making stuff up, and... and yet, you're right here."

  a cool hand touched your chin, and it brought you up to look into those lilac eyes from past dreams, childhood dreams. "i'm truly sorry. i-i thought i was protecting you. i was going through some–"

  "protecting me?! shinsou, do you even know what the fucking hell you did to me? the days and nights i spent trying to reach you, only to hear silence? like you didn't even exist?" you stepped away from him, chin leaving his touch. "i don't even know what to say to you now, i... shinsou, i thought i lost my soulmate, and that hurt, and i cannot–absolutely cannot–do that again."

  he stepped forward, "i understand. i promise it won't happen again, please."

  you sighed, holding up your pinky. "pinky promise?"

  there was a flash of familiarity to this; of when you two were younger, how you would pinky promise everything. and shinsou gave you a crooked smile, "pinky promise."