Chapter 14

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-UNEDITED-

Losing somebody dear to you feels like a piece of your heart is missing, permanently. I knew that feeling all too well. But I couldn't imagine spending time with a loved one, knowing that they had very little time left. Watching them slowly deteriorate. I knew that it was taking a toll on Beau. I could see it in his eye bags and pale skin. He had been at his mother's a lot considering he hired in home help for her. The cancer was ruthless and especially fast moving in her case. She was already bedridden only a month after she revealed it to him. I knew he was staying up most nights, helping her use the bathroom and cooking for her, keeping her company. Sometimes I would go with him and try to help as much as possible, but I felt it was better for them to have that time together alone. I tried to help in little ways, like keeping his apartment tidy, something he'd understandably neglected to do as of late. I'd also been doing his extra work at the office since he hadn't been showing up. I'd hardly seen him in the past few weeks, only when he needed to shower or change clothes. I understood he needed space, but it was a bit lonely. Of course he'd given me a small kiss on my forehead every now and then on his way out the door, but in general it seemed as though we both opted to have as little physical touch as possible. I found it helpful for clearing my mind and body. It helped me sort out my feelings for Beau, and of course what I was going to do about the pregnancy. But, still, I missed him.

I sighed flipping through Netflix on my couch trying to decide what to watch. I mean, I knew I was probably going to rewatch The Office, or something in that genre, but I still felt like I needed to weigh out all of my options. I shivered, it was unusually cold this evening for the beginning of September. I sought out a throw and wrapped it around my shoulders trudging back to the couch. I should've brought a pair of socks with me, I begrudgingly thought to myself as my bare feet subconsciously rubbed together. I was just about to give in and start The office when I heard a soft knock at the door. I got up shuffling over with my blanket pulled tightly around me. I probably looked a bit homeless considering my choice of old tatty sweatpants and a stained long sleeved shirt. Comfort clothes of course. I swung the door open to reveal Beau, it was a bit of a shock to see him here. He hadn't been over to my apartment for a few weeks, the only places I'd seen him was his apartment and sometimes work.
"Hey." He said, looking exhausted.
"Hey, how are you?" I said, my eyes looking for his to meet mine. Right now they were trained at his feet, and his hands were stuffed deep into his jean pockets.
"Want to go for a drive?" He replied, ignoring my question.
"Sure." I replied sliding on some slippers and following him outside, making sure to lock my door behind me. He opened the passenger door for me and I slid in, the car was already warm with the seats heated. He got in after and put the car in drive. We sat in silence as he drove unusually slow. I wanted to ask how he was again, but also didn't want to bug him. Also, you need to tell him the truth. But, I kept quiet. He reached over and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers. I practically melted. Tell him now.
About twenty minutes later we'd pulled into an empty parking lot that overlooked the water. Of course we're at a foggy bay in the middle of night, if we were in a slasher film we'd be the first ones killed. Although, the moon and stars did outline the water perfectly. It was a beautiful view.
"I've missed you." He murmured, his thumb absentmindedly stroking the back of my hand. I felt my heart thud.
"Me too." I replied, careful not to sound so overjoyed at his words, even though I was ecstatic. He still hadn't looked at me. I brought my free hand up to stroke his stubbled cheek. It felt like he hadn't shaved in a week or so.
"Don't take this the wrong way.." he said, his voice trailing off as he continued to stroke my hand, still looking at nothing in particular. "But, I could really use an outlet right now." He said. I'm not sure why my heart sunk at his words, but they did. Against his wishes, I had taken it the wrong way. But the Cancerian in me couldn't say no, nor be upset, because it was obvious he was hurting. So instead I tilted his face up and pressed my lips to his. The kiss started slow, my fingers innocently trailing his jaw line, and his hand squeezing mine, but it turned hungry. Needy. He'd reached over to unbuckle my seatbelt as my fingers found their way across his chest. I sat up and crawled over the center console, lips still attached to his, and straddled him. His hands roamed my back, ass, thighs, anything he could caress. I realized that I'd needed an outlet just as much, or maybe I was addicted to him and quitting cold turkey had caused withdrawals. I mean I couldn't even control my fingers, they had a mind of their own; clawing his shirt off and prying his pants and my pants down as far as they would go in his cramped car. Luxury ride my ass. His hands moved quickly as he lifted my shirt over my head and untwisted my bra with ease. He pulled his lips away and breathed heavily, trying to calm himself. He pressed his forehead between my breasts, taking deep breaths. I shivered at the intimate position, hooking my fingers into his wild locks, pressing his face further into my chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and suddenly we were embracing, both clinging to each other like the world would end if we let go. He pulled away slightly, and finally brought his eyes up to meet mine. They were bloodshot, and sad. So very sad, like they wanted to cry but couldn't usher anymore tears. He brought his head to my left nipple and slipped the beaded nub into his mouth. I inhaled sharply as he swirled his tongue around, tugging slightly, his eyes still trained on mine. I let out a moan that I didn't know I'd been holding in. He moved to my right nipple, continuing the same motions. I felt him slide my panties to the side and position himself at my entrance, I lowered myself, trying move slowly, savoring every moment. He closed his eyes, letting me take my time, but instead I slammed myself down, taking all of him at once, his eyes widened and he let out a moan. I smirked pleased with myself. He gripped my waist, digging his fingers into my hipbone. My breath came out shaky as I continued to ride him, his mouth hung open while I tried not to cum.
"You're so tight." He managed to get out between moans. I rode him faster. "I'm going to cum." He whispered, his fingers still digging into my waist. Suddenly he bucked up into me. I screamed and came hard, realizing that yet again, we'd orgasmed at the same time. I collapsed on him, my face pressed into his neck. He ran his fingers through my hair and rubbed circles on my back.
"That was amazing." He said. I chuckled.
"It was." I replied, finally lifting myself off of him and climbing back into my seat to pull my pants on. He slid his sweats on over his still erected penis and let out a sigh.
"I'm sorry I haven't been around as much." He said.
"I understand. How are things?" I asked.
"Not good, she looks weaker everyday. They say she's got about a month left with out chemo."
"And with chemo?"
"About seven," he snorted, "but the chemo option is a long shot, she's selfishly choosing to go as soon as possible." He added bitterly.
"I don't think her intentions are selfish." I replied while placing my slippers back on.
"It feels like it." He said, revving up the engine. I decided against responding.

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