The Garavaglias

Chapter 17

It had been a week since we'd returned from Barbados. I was avoiding Beau at all costs by calling in sick and not answering the door when he swung by. I couldn't face him. I couldn't tell him what was happening. That it felt as though my body had betrayed me. I went to the doctors on my own to confirm what I already knew; I had lost the baby. It was early enough that it just seemed like an intense period, as the doctors put it ever so lightly. Strangely enough I hadn't cried until I got home. I fully expected to break down in one of the nurse's arms. But instead I collapsed after closing my door and sobbed in the hallway for a good hour. The 'intense period' only lasted for four days, it was strange to me that you're body could spend all this time creating a womb and safe space for a fetus to grow to be destroyed within a week.

Beau was relentless in trying to reach me. Texts every few hours and phone calls. A week didn't seem like enough time to process but I knew it wasn't fair to exclude him from knowing. So I sucked it up and drove to his place. Part of me hoped he would be out at some bar, but as I pulled into the parking garage, I caught a glimpse of his favorite black Audi. The one he only took out when he was partying. I took a deep breath before exiting my truck, which always felt out of place in the parking garage full of expensive shiny cars. I gave the doorman a nod and he smiled at me.

"Good evening Miss Howard." He said as he pushed the button leading to Beau's floor. I gave him a small smile and a polite 'Good evening'. My heart pounded in my chest as the elevator rose. The doors swung open revealing his clean apartment. It was always so clean it looked straight out of magazine, like nobody lived in it. I walked in cautiously, knowing he'd be angry with me for avoiding him. I saw his tall dark frame standing out on the balcony. There was almost a trail of beer bottles left laying around on the ground leading up to him. I gulped knowing full well he was probably trashed. I knocked on the glass to get his attention but he didn't turn around, so I slid it open and stepped out into the chilly air.
"Hey.." I said, looking down at my sneakers.

"Hi." He said, not even offering me a glance over his shoulder.

"Can we talk?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking. This couldn't have been worse timing.

"I don't know summer, can we?" He replied, anger dripping from each syllable. "Princess is finally done ignoring me huh?" He said sarcastically. Then turned around and pushed past me into his living room. I followed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I wasn't ignoring you. I just needed some time to-"

"To what?" He interrupted me, finally meeting my eyes.

"To process." I replied trying to keep balance. He was so angry, and flashes of that night crossed my mind. I shivered.

"Process? What did you need to process? That you think I'm a murderer? You probably think I'd murder you." I took a step back.

"I never called you a murderer. I know you didn't kill those guys." I replied, realizing that it did seem like I was separating myself from him because I was scared he would physically hurt me. That obviously wasn't the case. He scoffed.

"I can see it in your eyes. The way you're looking at me right now tells me everything I need know."

"Okay you're drunk. Maybe I should come back tomorrow." I said muttered, starting to walk towards the elevator. I heard him sarcastically laugh and then I felt him swoop me off my feet and sling me over his shoulder.

"Beau put me down right now." I said calmly. When he didn't respond I started to bang my fists against his back. He laughed again.

"Do you think that hurts?" He said, then plopped me down on to his bed. "We're going to talk now. Not tomorrow, not next week, right now." He said. He must've noticed the tears running down my face because he backed away and sat on a chair across from me, giving us a bit of distance.

"I would never hurt you." He said in a low voice. I could smell the alcohol on him, I wonder how much he's had to drink.

"I know that." I sniffled.

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" He asked, his eyes sad. "Jesus sum, when is the last time you ate?" He asked finally seeing my shrinking frame in the light, his eyes lingered on my frail body and pale skin for a second before he met my eyes again. In all honesty I hadn't really eaten since I'd miscarried. I tried to get the words to come out but I choked on a sob and clutched my hands to my chest.

"I feel like I can't breathe." I sputtered in between hysterical tears.

"Why?" Beau asked getting out of his chair and kneeling in front me, still careful not to touch me.

"I lost the baby." I finally spit out, then placed my hands over my face trying to stop the tears and shield my eyes from his pitying eyes. The bed shifted next to me and a warm arm wrapped around my shaky body. I relaxed my head on to his shoulder and dropped my hands into my lap. I needed a break from my thoughts. To not be able to think anymore. He looked at me and crushed his lips to mine. I knew it was insensitive given the situation, and definitely not the right time nor place for this, but it was truly the only way we knew how to make each other feel better. I let him kiss me and push me back on to the bed. He pulled my ill fitting dress over my head and gazed down at my body. I knew he was looking at perturbing hipbones. Then he leaned down and placed butterfly kisses all over my face. I shook my head, feeling tears pool at my eyes from the tenderness. "Rough." I said, looking into his eyes. He nodded and wordlessly flipped me over on my stomach. I shivered as he licked down my spine and stuck two fingers inside my opening. I moaned out, lifting my hips and positioned myself in doggystyle. He crawled between my opened legs and pushed them further apart. I screamed as his shoved himself inside of me, bucking his hips and moving rhythmically. I moaned as he gripped my hair and yanked my head back, fucking me harder. When he felt I was about to cum he slowed down and I groaned in frustration. I grew restless of his game and crawled forward and out of his grasp. He gave me a puzzled look before I pulled him down and made him lay on his back. I climbed on top and slid him into me feverishly. He moaned closing his eyes. His hands gripped my hips and then made their way up to my breasts, while I rocked back and forth on top of him. He sat up wrapping one arm around my waist to keep me steady and sucking on my left nipple. He thrust up into me and screamed out throwing my head back. I climaxed hard and felt him quickly convulse then pull out of me. I fell on the bed in a heap of shivers and aftershocks. I turned on my side to see him using a t-shirt to wipe his semen off of his hand. I appreciated him not coming inside me. A pang of sadness spread through my chest as I realized I didn't feel better. I felt worse. He laid down next to me and I could see in his eyes that he felt the same way. But he wrapped me up in his arms anyway and held me as I cried myself to sleep.

I woke before Beau in the morning, and rose with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew I had to leave. I came to the realization that I needed time to myself to heal and move on from what happened, and I didn't think I could do it with Beau analyzing and worrying about me. So I quietly got dressed, left him a goodbye note and tried to keep myself from running back to his bed and wrapping myself up into his warm body. I looked down and noticed I was still wearing one of his favorite band shirts; tears welled in my eyes as the elevator sank to the ground level. After stopping to get some plan b from the store, I made it back to my place and packed all of my belongings into the seven boxes I'd arrived with, plus a bag of new memories I'd acquired in New York. I hauled them out to my old truck and finally locked the door behind me; tucking the key under the same potted plant I'd originally found it. I knew I had to get on the road before Beau came looking for me. I didn't know where I was going or where to start my life over next, but I did know I couldn't live in the same place my heart died. I felt horrible leaving Beau, like I was losing two things I loved at the same time and I wish he could come with me. That we could travel the world together and fall in love every day over and over again, but it would be wrong to expect that of him. I couldn't uproot him from his life and family, especially while his mom was obviously so close to death. It was selfish. So I started on the road right after sending in my letter of resignation and blocking him from my phone.

This is the end of part 1 of the Garavaglia's. Part two will be uploaded soon.