I Can't Stop Loving You

Chapter 1

Clarke lay on her side, staring at the wall which was littered with sketches of Lexa. It was almost a full year since the flame went missing, almost a full year since Lexa's grave was invaded.

She could still remember how she found it. Dug up and robbed, nothing left but the headstone and a dip in the ground. Who would do that?

She felt a shift in her bed from behind her, and the tired sigh that followed it. Niylah leant over her, finding her in the same state she was in every time they slept together: staring at the wall and thinking of Lexa.

"Hey" Niylah whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder. Clarke looked up at her.

Clarke knew Niylah was a good woman. Even though she was fully aware that Clarke still loved Lexa, she stayed every night for as long as she needed. She would be by her side in war, she would help patch her up after a fight gone wrong, and she would follow her back to her room without a question. But she wasn't her.

She wasn't Lexa.

"Hey" Clarke whispered back. She wasn't entirely sure what time it was, but judging by the light which shone through the windows, it was later into the morning than she had hoped. She pushed herself up to sit at the edge of the bed, running a hand through her hair.

"She would be proud of you, you know." Niylah said softly, moving to sit behind her.

Clarke felt her fingertips carefully tracing the fresh ink on her shoulder blade. The tattoo had been imbedded amongst her skin by no other than Lincoln himself. Clarke was aware of his artistic skills, and asked him to be the one to do it. Often when Clarke felt alone, and Niylah was... unavailable, she would go to Lincoln. The two of them would spend hours discussing their artworks and exchanging techniques. It was a good distraction from her responsibilities, and just a good pass time in general.

But once again, it wasn't Lexa...

"I hope so."

"I know so" Niylah responded quickly "Lexa would be so, so proud of you, Clarke. She would have wanted you to do what was best for both of your people. And for you."

Clarke turned to face the other blonde, a small frown etched between her brows "But Pike is still alive."

"He is yes" Niylah smiled and leant closer to Clarke "but not for long"

Clarke allowed a small smile to play on her lips and she leant back against Niylah.

"I know how hard this is for you, Clarke. I know... I know I'm not her. That's okay. You loved her. And I'm going to help you as much as I can to bring Pike down with you. Lexa... she didn't deserve what happened, and neither did you."

Clarke quickly stood up to dress herself. Everything that Niylah was telling her was already blatantly obvious to her, and all she wanted to do was finish getting dressed and wonder into another day with Lexa pushed as far away to the back of her mind. Even so, she would still be the only thing she could think about.

She swung a shirt over her head and looked over her shoulder to Niylah, who sat with her bare body covered with bed sheets.

"You should go." Clarke said, then realised the rude tone in her own voice. She quickly attempted to follow it up with a reasonable explanation "I have a meeting with Octavia. We have a good plan to-"

"Clarke" Niylah cut her off as she rose from the bed "It's okay"

Clarke nodded, more to herself than to Niylah. She grabbed her rifle which balanced against the wall in the corner of her room, and opened the door.