I Can't Stop Loving You

Chapter 9

Bellamy silently laid a pile of dry wood where Lexa crouched, hands expertly moving to create a flame. One moment, there were nothing but sparks. And the next, the logs were engulfed in a healthy fire. She shuffled back, eyes lit pale in the orange glow.

Clarke wedged herself further amongst the blanket to find more heat whilst also creating space for the commander. Her eyes were weighted, and with every blink it grew harder to stay awake. It was at the darkest time of night, so when Octavia had suggested they stopped to rest, nobody refused. Even Lexa looked drained of energy.

So when her brunette lover stayed where she was instead of joining her, she furrowed her brows in confusion.

"I'll keep watch for an hour or two. I don't want to be unguarded when we're so close to opposing territory." Lexa explained.

Clarke softened at her words, the tense feeling in her stomach which told her she had done something wrong vanished.

"Wake me up soon though. I don't want you to stay awake all night, okay?"

"Okay" Lexa nodded, settling down beside Clarke.

"I mean it Lexa." She warned.

"I know you do"

With Lexa's promising words, Clarke tugged her blanket further over her shoulders, tucking it under her chin. But yet she still wasn't comfortable, and she let out a small grunt in response to the hard ground digging into the side of her cheek. Then she felt Lexa's soft grip on her, carefully pulling her to rest her head in her lap.

The familiar and distinct scent of Lexa lingered in the close quarters of the two women, and Clarke shrunk into the safety Lexa provided. With the feeling of long fingers gently running through her hair, she allowed her eyes to fall shut.
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She drifted in and out of sleep, shuffling and turning in Lexa's lap as she did so. Just as she was about to fall asleep again, Lexa's quiet murmur pulled from the purgatory between being awake and being asleep.

"I apologise Niylah."

There was a shuffling of leaves not far away, indicating that Niylah was in fact listening.

"What for, Heda?"

She felt the soft pad of Lexa's thumb tracing her cheek, and heard a sigh escape her lips "It is wrong for me to act so unkindly toward you. You protected Clarke when I was gone. I am thankful for that." There was a pause "I should not allow jealousy to cloud my thoughts of what you have done for her to keep her safe"

"Heda I understand why you are j-"

"Niylah." Lexa silenced her "I apologise for my treatment of you. That is it. We do not need to discuss this any further"

"But we-"

"I am aware of your actions with Clarke. I understand why you did it, and why she did it too." She felt Lexa's eyes on her "She was grieving. Sometimes that drives you into things you never expect."

Like believing that love is weakness Clarke thought or forcing yourself into an emotionless mask.

"I know it does" Niylah responded quietly.