I Can't Stop Loving You

Chapter 10

"I'm not mad at you, Lexa" Clarke said softly as she propped herself up on her shoulder to lean over the other girl in her bed.

Lexa had spent the entire night ignoring Clarke, already knowing what she would want to talk about. She also knew all too well that Clarke was angry at her for keeping so much from her. So when Clarke came in late at night after a long discussion with Luna and her mother as well as Bellamy, the brunette simply rolled over in their bed to give Clarke more space than she could ever need, and buried herself amongst the sheets. When Clarke had tried to start a conversation with her, she had pretended to be asleep, even when both women knew all too well that she was in fact wide awake.

Lexa furrowed her brows, still refusing to meet Clarke's eyes. It was obvious that she didn't believe Clarke in the slightest, and didn't have any intention of talking to her any time soon. Clarke knew that it was the guilt making her decisions.

So pushed herself back into her pillow, watching Lexa's heavy breaths from behind. She could see the marks on her back, bold and dark against her skin; they were the only reason Clarke was refraining from cuddling into the other woman. She was terrified of hurting her.

For what must have been the 100th time, she lifted her hand and allowed her fingertips to trace the discoloured skin. Lexa still tensed at the motion, and Clarke couldn't blame her. But every now and then. She had to reach out, feel it for herself, remind herself it was real. Remind herself why she has came up with a plan that would probably destroy their relationship, and burn every single ounce of hard-earned trust Clarke had from Lexa.

"Listen, just for a moment. Please." Clarke whispered softly. There was no reaction from Lexa, no sign to prove that she was listening, but she continued on anyways, blabbering her lies in order to save the woman she loved "We can't fix this, but we can delay it. My mother says that Luna reached out to her, and offered to help. She was willing to give you some of her blood and keep you well enough to keep going a little longer. It won't hurt her at all, and she gave her full consent to help you, Lexa."

Lexa shifted, ever so slightly tilting her head. It told Clarke all she needed to know: she was listening.

"I love you. I love you so much." Clarke let out a shaky breath "I only just got you back. I want to keep you here with me for as long as I can... I don't think I'm ready to lose you again, Lex."

At a single nickname, Clarke had Lexa's attention, and she shifted once again. The guilt she felt in her stomach screamed at her to stop her lies, and leave Lexa alone. But she wouldn't. She couldn't.

"I just want as much time as I can get with you, Lex" she said as softly as she could. She knew the name was tugging on Lexa's heart strings, every single word that came out of Clarke's mouth aimed to trick and manipulate. The blonde hated it.

The brunette's head turned, and finally she broke the silence that she had deliberately set between them "Okay" she whispered. At the lone and single word, Clarke was unsure whether to hate herself, or feel relieved. The tear that slowly rolled down her cheek burned, as if she was crying guilt itself, and was quickly swept away by Lexa's thumb.

"Can we do it now?" Clarke asked, the sudden urgency to help Lexa looking suspicious to the other girl "Just so it's over with, you know? I don't want you to change your mind later on. Please?"

She was begging the brunette; she was close to dropping to her knees and begging that way. She needed Lexa to agree, so her plan would work. So her mother, Bellamy and Luna can help her fix Lexa's undeserved problem.