Family Ties : A Batfamily Story

Chapter Forty

So a lot of stuff has been happening in the past few weeks and I think I ready to come out to you guys as demigendered. It's all really confusing, frustrating, and honestly uncomfortable for me but I love y'all so I wanna keep y'all in the loop!

Anyway, Enjoy and Savor!!! 

POV Robyn

I can't stop shaking. Even with the scalding water beating against my back I still feel cold as ice. Maybe I'm just broken like that. Maybe I'm just cold now, shivering forever as I continuously messing up every good thing in my life. I had no idea.

I missed them too. Dick's singing in the hallways in the early morning and Damian lurking in my doorway just to be with someone. The late nights in Tim's bedroom because he was too weak to stand. Brunch with Babs and Alfred as they discussed their book favorite books. The family dinners that Bruce would pull together last minute just to see everyone after a long day at WE. How he would look at me and smile with a dream-like warm. Still, I know all too well that those moments don't last. The long nights alone in my desert of a bed. Two AMs spent wander the halls, running from my nightmares. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness and the sense that no matter what I did I would never belong there. That's why I left, because I was losing myself in the dark feeling. I could never be happy here. But I did look back, no matter how hard I tried not to. I would miss all the people I had come to know and the memories we shared. But I thought that they wouldn't care. I thought that by the end of the first week they would stop searching. After all, they had all wanted me gone at one point or another. I thought that if I left their lives would continue on and they would forget all about me. I didn't know they would look for me for this long. I didn't know they thought I was dead or grieved for me. I didn't want this. I didn't want to hurt anyone.

Turning off the shower and getting dressed, I wonder if it's even worth going back down there. Maybe I should just walk back to the apartment and text Roy when I get there. I know it's cowardly to run, but I can't bear to see the look on their faces. When Tim was yelling at me, I could see his broken heart at my feet as clear as the tears on his cheeks. I don't even want to think about what he must have gone through since I left. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Why am I such a fuck up?

I couldn't even help Jason. My heart lurches as my mind returns to my brother, his gruesome wounds spilling streams of blood as Roy sped as here. He kept on shh-ing me as I cried onto the back of his seat. He told me that Jason is going to be fine. I'm not sure if I believe him.

"Robyn?" It's Dick. His voice is a sound I had almost forgotten. The deep honey-like rumble of it, how it cares with it a sense of childishness when he smiles and how quickly it can turn into something much darker.

Scampering to the door, I put my back against it in attempts to make sure he doesn't open it.

"Yeah," I reply sheepishly.

He pauses for a second before answering. "You okay?"

Tears once again tears plague my eyes as I let myself relax a little. "No," I say honestly.

"Can, can I open the door." He asks quietly as the doorknob shakes.

Taking a step forward so the door may swing open, I mumble my reply. "Sure,"

The doorknob turns, the wooden frame shakes, and the door opens. On the other side is Dick, his dark hair tangled into a short ponytail and blue entire messy with blood stains. His crystal blue eyes shine like sapphires with sparkling tears forming in front of them. His lips quiver slightly as he lays eyes on me. His hands pull on his jeans as he opens his mouth to speak.

"You're okay there, right?" He whimpers as I can tell he is trying to hold back tears.

"Yeah," I realize he is talking about Jason's apartment. "It's nice, and you know, I really like it there."