Suicide Girl (A Diabolik Lovers Story)

Chapter 11: Conversations

Shu's Perspective

A knock on my bedroom door woke me up from another dreamless sleep as I grunted, "Come in," groggily. Ren bowed briefly before walking inside, closing the door behind her with a half smile as she asked, "So I guess I'll be staying in your room, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I shrugged as I commented lowly, "The bed is pretty big so I don't think it'll be a problem."

"I don't see one if you don't," she laughed before joking, "It'd be like breakfast in bed for you, right?"

I raised an eyebrow at her attempt at humor before mentioning, "You really don't seem to be all too weary of the existence of us vampires."

She laughed as she sat on the bed and admitted, "I kind of lost the feeling of fear after jumping off a building. I just can't see you as a grim reaper sort when you've kept me alive not once, but twice."

I looked away and stared at the wall, not really sure what to say to that. She leans back on the bed and faces the ceiling and states, "I just can't wrap my head around what compelled you to do that, but I think you deep down, you really care about people. But you avoid it because it's troublesome."

"You're really obstinate, you know," I muttered, gazing down at her laying beside me, so care free to the situation she was in. A young foolish girl staying in the bedroom of a vampire. I had the feeling she was somewhat aware of the implications that could be had, but was putting it in the back of her mind.

She remained quiet for a while as the two of us sat in silence, though the atmosphere was far from awkward. It felt peaceful. She exhaled a pleasant sigh before asking, "What do you think it's like? You know, after we die?"

I thought about how to answer before replying, "I think you'd probably be disappointed with my answer."

"Tell me anyway," she pleaded gently. I swallowed and answered, "It's probably just like sleeping. You drift away until you no longer have any thoughts or emotions. You're just in a state of nothingness."

She continued to stare at the ceiling distantly before she mumbled, "I think the same."

"But nothingness doesn't sound too bad compared to true suffering," she commented before admitting, "I don't think I've truly suffered as much as others have. I'm not that self-absorbed to believe I've had it worse. But how one person deals with pain can be different than someone else. For some people, they just don't want to feel anymore. But if you're alive, there's no way not to."

"I suppose this all sounds silly to someone who is immortal," she chuckled before asking sincerely, "Have you ever wished you were dead?"

I thought about it for a moment before answering, "Obviously. When you live forever, nothing sounds more ideal than an ending to it all, especially when you experience pain over and over again. Everybody dies while you alone live on. Death is like mercy for vampires."

Her facial expression was melancholic as she gazed at me silently.

"You must have gone through a lot," she stated solemnly as she confessed, "You know, I've never told anyone this but I'm not actually my parents biological child."

I raised an eyebrow at this sudden discovery and she admitted, "I was abandoned when I was a baby. My real mother was a compulsive drug addict who left her baby alone on a bench in a public park."

She sighed before ensuring, "Even though I had a privileged upbringing after that, I always felt like none of it mattered. I've always been an unwanted child, especially now that I won't perform for them anymore. I really am alone now."

She looked so sad and helpless that even I felt a twinge a sorrow looking at her. Reaching out my hand, I rubbed it through her hair and muttered sheepishly, "Don't look so sad. You're not alone right now because I'm sitting right next to you, aren't I?"

Her eyes looked like they were watery but she looked away quickly and laughed, "Wow, I got a little too deep there for a moment. Sorry about that, Shu."

She glanced away for a quick moment before looking back at me directly in the eyes and emitting softly, "Thank you. Seriously."

She sat up abruptly before announcing with a forced smile, "I'm going to go take a bath now."

I nodded as she stood up and walked into bathroom, closing the door behind her. The sound of the running water couldn't overshadow the quiet muffled sound of her crying.