it's just kissing | m.j ✓

CHAPTER FIFTY FOUR.

Jon McLaughlin's voice begins flow through the speakers, and Jimin can't control the tears anymore. He doesn't want to cry. No. Not here. Not next to Namjoon. He ducks his head, but it's too late. Namjoon is taking the drink out of his hand and guiding him out the building. Jimin doesn't even check to see what the man's done with his drink or if anyone is watching him, because he can barely see through the tears welling in his eyes.

He didn't want to cry. He doesn't want to cry. Not in front of anyone or by himself, but he can't stop it.

Jimin doesn't raise his head. Not even when he's back inside Namjoon's car. Not when the car's already speeding through some street in Seoul and passing through a long tunnel. He keeps his lips tightly shut, unwilling to give into the emotions suffocating him and threatening to rip through his chest. He doesn't even know why he's so upset. He's just so confused by everything. He wants to be angry at something but can't find anything to be angry at.

And Jimin doesn't know how long they've been driving, but the car eventually comes to a stop. Expecting to be back in Itaewon, Jimin finally raises his head to look out the window and sees that they are completely alone, overlooking the the dizzying array of lights that creates the city that is Seoul. It's still dark out, but the illuminations seem to reach out to him as he takes it all in.

"...Where are we?" Jimin asks, his voice shaky despite his efforts to steady it. If Namjoon notices it, the man doesn't act like it.

"Just a little place right outside of Seoul. A spot I came across by accident," the other man explains, his eyes fixated on the play of lights. "Has been returning ever since when I just need to clear my thoughts and I don't have time to go stargazing. I pretend that all those lights are stars instead."

".....Oh."

"...Do you want to talk about it?"

"...About...?"

"Why you're so upset," Namjoon clarifies after a moment of silence. "You don't have to if you don't want...but you know I'm here if you want to talk."

And Jimin honestly is lost. On one hand, he's about to burst at the seams from having to hold everything in, and he's always spoken to Namjoon whenever he was feeling troubled. On the other hand, he can't bring himself to tell the man everything. Especially when he himself has so much to figure out on his own. Not when he hasn't been able to get Mingyu's and his own voice out of his head.

"Jimin?"

"....I got into a fight with Mingyu," Jimin begins slowly anyway, as if in some kind of a trance. Namjoon doesn't say anything. Doesn't ask what the fight was about, and Jimin's grateful for the silence. "It...didn't end too well. He sent me a bunch of texts apologizing, and I said I needed some time to think, but...I dunno...." he trails off, feeling the tears welling up again. "I just feel like...everything's always a mess with me, no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's time I wake up and just face reality."

"...What reality?"

"The reality that I'm never going to be in that kind of a relationship. The kind where you dance to So Close and just know that you're in love and it doesn't scare you because you know nothing's going to go wrong."

There is silence.

It stretches on until Jimin can only hear the sound of his own heart beating in his chest. And he's about to tell the other man that they should go back to the bar, but Namjoon begins to move, cutting through the stillness that has befallen them. Jimin watches as the man opens the door and exits the vehicle. Watches as Namjoon walks around to car towards him and motions for him to come outside as well.