A collection of short stories centering around a kid named Sammy and a few of his friends, not so good friends, and straight up enemies. It's 50% simple vibes, and 50% teenage angst.
I didn't know what I was doing when I wrote this, and a lot of the...
Happy Hamilton spent the day with his family, all gathered around the Christmas tree, singing Christmas carols, and drinking Christmas hot chocolate. After finishing nine cheese and meat platters he and Savannah went sledding. . . Well, he went sledding and she said she would "love to" and stomped off to her room. Mixed messages much?
Evil Eric had a lovely morning stealing Christmas trees and presents grinch style while narrating the entire experience in third person haiku. Then he settled down in the National Control Center for Nuclear Weapons and had a grand old time clicking random buttons; which was all good and fun until some high-up busy-body was notified of the random obliteration of five third world countries. Then it became great fun because they got to play hide and seek with the entirety of Washington D.C. on lockdown. An incredibly joyful and festive due to all the flashing red lights.
Shocked Sheri went to visit her grandchildren in Uzbekistan but her airplane got high-jacked by Italian gang which she accidentally (and quite shockingly) Joined. In a little scuffle with the ceremonial gang entrance knighting sword and she accidentally ( and even more shockingly) amputated the gang leader's head, which, by right of succession, made her the new gang leader, so on Christmas day she found herself leading a heist of all the tinsel and mince pies in London (Italian gangsters get around) But also all rather very lucky because her family left Uzbekistan in search of their grandmother who should have been there days ago, and so, weren't in the country when it was blown to pieces.
Creepy Carl In total outrage at the commercialism of the holiday built a ginormous hollow ball of cauliflower, covered it with cooking oil, climbed inside it, lit it on fire, and rolled it through the streets of town, running over many merry party goers and melting all the snow. Unfortunately all that snow soon put out his giant flaming hamster wheel of cauliflower, and, because the local authorities were none too pleased with him doing these things, he had to run off and live in the mountains for a few weeks. Luckily he had all that lovely toasted cauliflower, so he lived quite happily and did not die of starvation.
Swaggy Steve did nothing special. He's Jewish
Plastic Petunia gained a few million Winstafram followers for posting a bunch of super cute pics of all the Christmas goodies she got. Which included (but were not limited to) A 24 Karat gold and diamond necklace, five limited edition Carriage bags, Thirteen make up pallets from all her favorite beauty vloggers, and a fully functional, completely operational, rose gold yacht. (Which could have secretly been a star destroyer but probably wasn't) She was smiling in all the photos, but deep down she was boiling with rage toward her no good Jewish boyfriend who hadn't given her a single present just because he said Christmas was against his "Religious beliefs" Like anyone believed that.
Mad Margo concocted an extremely dangerous solution that was supposed to create eternity glitter but instead exploded and caused a record breaking snowstorm that closed the schools for five weeks while simultaneously fixing all of the climate change issues in the world by the power of peace on earth.
Musical Madison had a quiet break from, tour at her Toronto home where she rocked around the Christmas tree all day with her family and musically talented, incredibly hot husband. Then she played Christmas songs to a sold-out auditorium where millions of fans screamed, cried, and felt blessed.
Sammy's mother neglected him all day so around noon when some passing cows invited him over for Christmas dinner he said yes. Even though he knew that they wanted to have him as Christmas dinner. Because he honestly did not care. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) a rift in space momentarily opened up in the field and swallowed the cows whole. So Sammy had to stay alive and the cows did not get to eat him for dinner.
The End. (for now)
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